Hit the barbershop at the tail end of an almost 200 mile day of driving to see if they could handle a walk-in.
Got a series of meetings and a beard that is becoming unruly and figured it made more sense to let the professional try to clean me up.
This was the third visit and given the quality of the first two times in the chair I felt pretty good about it figuring we had begun to build a solid understanding of what I was looking for.
I was wrong and now I am the recipient of a close shave and not the good kind. I paid this guy to shave me down to the nub and that irks me because I could have done that.
This was not what I wanted nor close to my expectations and though it will grow back it irks me because the point was to have a more professional look for some upcoming meetings.
Add insult to injury the beard hadn’t gotten to the point where it was truly unruly but it was on the path. There are far bigger issues than my irritation and vanity but that doesn’t take away the full sting.
But I’ll focus my intention upon remembering if this is the worst I have to deal with it is a world better than it has been.
Tomorrow marks what would have been my grandfather’s 108th birthday and St. Patrick’s Day
For most of my life the people around me have engaged in a foolish game of pinching those who didn’t wear green on St. Paddy’s day.
During my elementary and junior high school days I let that nonsense go and probably gave my own share of pinches out but that ended by high school.
I surprised a work colleague some time ago when they said they were going to pinch me and I glared at them.
“Loosen up Josh.”
“If you want to retain the full use of your hand you’ll refrain from touching me.”
“You’re not serious are you?”
“You’re not going to touch me so you won’t be disappointed nor thrilled by my response.”
I cannot confirm nor deny having gritted my teeth and grunted something about not engaging in nunsense. No one ever said or says it that way except Dad and upon occasion me.
There is a file folder with college acceptances and financial aid packets to my left that I have reviewed and re-reviewed multiple times.
They belong to the teenage girl who decided to bake more Hamantaschen for Purim. It is the middle of spring break so baking close to midnight doesn’t faze her.
She has her air pods in her ears and stops to scream triumphantly about the Dodgers signing Freddie Freeman. In between it all she dances around to music and enters texts at light speed.
I get yelled at for staring at her shrug my shoulders and tell her if she becomes a mother she’ll understand it. I am picturing the little girl she was against the doctor she wants to become.
Got a lot of runway between then and now so maybe that will change and maybe it won’t. I tell her I’ll support her decisions and let it lie because if I suggest any direction other than med school she’ll yell at me.
I never tried to talk her out of it but I did tell her to give herself room to pivot and adjust if she feels the need to.
Words Left Unspoken
Been thinking about the words that are left unspoken between people and the reasons why. If I stood outside myself and asked the obvious question I would say it is timing.
Haven’t pushed for in person because I didn’t think it would lend itself to positive outcomes or that I thought they would listen but I wouldn’t be heard.
Sometimes I compromised with myself and put words upon paper. Sometimes I told myself that if karma and destiny were more than wishful thinking I would get the opportunity.
And other times I shrugged my shoulders and told myself to prepare for never engaging. As my dear friend David said so many years ago sometimes you have to accept that you will never know.
Won’t lie and say that doesn’t chap my hide and chafe skin in more sensitive places because it does. But experience has taught me I always get over and beyond that nonsense.
Covid took two years from us and life in general stole time in the usual and expected ways too. Those are hard truths and realities that can’t be ignored.
But it doesn’t mean they have to be accepted either. Doesn’t mean we can’t look to take back some time. Maybe it doesn’t happen and maybe it does, don’t know, can’t know without trying.
Tomorrow I’ll head across town to attend a meeting near my old apartment in Fort Worth. If I have a few extra minutes I’ll drive by the old place and the one next door that had all the names of places in Ohio.
That area of town holds deep meaning to me. It is where I started some adventures and confirmed some things weren’t just fantasy.
It is where I first figured out I could build a life here and that it was worth looking into because there were more opportunities than back in L.A.
Sometimes some of that is colored by some of the ridiculous politics and policies put in place by state and local government.
The country was probably just as divided back then but we weren’t all shouting about it and at each other the way we do now.
Some say we are forever broken but I am not one of them. There are lots of issues and challenges to be dealt with but there is a history of worth and a history of overcoming such things.
Might not happen. Might not get better. Might get worse or it might stay the same. Don’t know without playing the game.
In the interim I’ll hope that my beard grows twice as fast overnight so that I don’t look ridiculous. It won’t happen but I’ll get some growth so maybe I’ll be able to say I don’t look as ridiculous.
Life has its share of moments, got to love em or at least try to.