I told Jericho that if I found her wandering through the kingdom I would believe it is because she wanted to be found and not because she was just curious.
For a long time I saw no sign or evidence of her being there and then I found here there time and time again. So I left notes and evidence I was aware of her passage but never confronted her.
Figured she would grow comfortable enough to let me approach or to get tired of wondering why I wasn’t chasing her because I knew she wanted to be pursued.
Doesn’t matter how old we are, some things never change.
So I put put together a pile flowers and left a few notes in the kingdom and assumed she would find them one day.
And then I sat with the ache and wondered what comes next.
Turned on the mashup and thought about the parade of images it sent flowing through my head. Got myself thinking about how many things I want to do and how many questions I have about people, places and things.
But really started to focus on determining what questions I could leave unanswered and what I had to go hard after because I could hear the tick-tock of the clock.
I’ll be 75 in 266 months and 19 days. It sounds like a long time but it may go faster than I want it to and a chunk of it will be taken by things I cannot get out of or control.
Of the 1159 weeks you might say 50 percent will be used by sleep, work and other miscellaneous events. So figure that leaves 579.5 weeks of life or about 97,356 hours.
What will I do with that time? How will I spend it? Who will I spend it with? How much of that will be filled with things I want to remember and how much with nonsense.
What do I have to do to try to maximize that time?
That is why I ask Are You Running Away Or Running Towards Something?
Fight Your Own Battles
In a few minutes I’ll step away from the computer and have a conversation with the younger Mr. Wilner about when we walk away from a disagreement and when we wade into the fray.
He is old enough that he doesn’t always want to hear my thoughts and more than willing to fight his own battles but there are moments where he needs to know his old man won’t stand by and watch.
Moments where it might be more important for him to know that I can still vault a counter and give as good or better than I get.
It is less about a real need for me to do it and more about his knowing I will. Sometimes knowing that something extra is there is enough to keep us from getting into the moment we might need it.
Hell, I watched him deal with a challenging situation and come through it with flying colors. I am not sure if he recognizes how hard it was or how well he did because he was too close to it.
But I saw and I know.
And though you might suggest my parental bias is at play I know better. That kid is well on his way and sometimes that is all we can ask or hope for.
****
I keep playing around with whether I want to buy a car for the two of us to work on. Keep playing around with whether he would enjoy it as much as I think he would or if it is more about how much I think I would enjoy it.
Probably a little of both.
There is something ridiculously satisfying about working with your hands and taking something that is broken and fixing it so that it works as it should.
I haven’t spent much time really working on cars since the end of high school and part of college. Can’t say I ever completely rebuilt something because I didn’t.
But I went out to pick-a-part and pulled transmissions, power steering units, deck lids, headlights and assorted other parts for my cars.
Worked on Chevys and Dodges and helped friends with their Hondas and Celicas.
Wasn’t particularly good at it but wasn’t bad either. I did enough to get by.
Always figured if I leaned into it I could do better than just get by, even more so now.
Why?
Because you can find a million videos on YouTube and watch someone else do the work you are going to do. It is far different than reading something in a book and following a diagram.
Not sure you’ll ever see me become a master craftsman with tools even though I would like to be, but you never know unless you try.
Epilogue
I can do something with words. I have some skills here and some innate ability to tell a story and to paint a picture.
Given my commentary about the tick-tock of the clock I wonder if I ought to take what I know I have some skill at and apply it or if I can leverage the natural skill into time dedicated to learning another.
This adult stuff can be kind of difficult, complex and annoying can’t it. But you can’t ignore it as much as you may want to so I guess I need to answer my own question Are You Running Away Or Running Towards Something?.
