Your mother once asked me a question that made me wonder what was behind it. I almost responded with what some call sworn testimony.
“I do solemnly and sincerely and truly declare and affirm that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
Not sure why I didn’t even though some reasons are beyond obvious. Almost felt like it would be the right and proper thing to do because in a world complex equations sometimes the simple and direct approach is the easiest.
Given that simple and direct can create their own complexity I went a different route and I was ok with that too.
Comes from having lived on the outside looking in for a long time now.
When you are not sure where you belong and with whom it is easy to see the shades of gray and to wander between the light and the shadow.
That is where you figure out the twilight region isn’t good or bad. Those are labels given by people, often with no thought or consideration for the logic or rationale.
Feelings aren’t focused upon logic. Sometimes we dislike people for no solid reason and sometimes we love for the the same.
So a man can sit in the silence knowing that you may not speak but I hear you nonetheless.
Silence Is Acceptance Or Is It
There are people who say silence is acceptance. They say the empty space between words spoken and the other means there is a tacit agreement.
I have questioned both men and women about this and gotten contradictory responses as well as complementary. One can make themselves crazy because you can find whatever conclusion you wish to hear.
If you say you burn for someone and something about love being a burning thing you will hear people say that silence indicates the other party thinks you are a crazy stalker and they think lack of response is less likely to set you off.
You can also be told that it means the other agrees but doesn’t feel like they can safely say it back. You can also hear similar remarks if you suggest you want to bend someone over the couch or kiss them under the stars.
It is a strange position for a man to hear women take both sides and opposing positions, each insisting that as a woman they are qualified to speak for other women.
And let’s not forget those who adopt a middle position of “If I like him it is ok to say/try these things and if I don’t it is gross.”
If one is of a more cautious nature it leads you to either say nothing or ensure that if you speak you don’t act without a clear indication that you have a green light.
Maybe that is why sworn testimony is of interest because it draws a line in the sand and says, “this is my truth.”
Or maybe it is best to go wander through the woods of the secret kingdom and see if you live there alone or hear the trumpets announce the presence of a partner.
Some write of Orpheus and Eurydice and some of Marlowe’s Passionate Shepherd.
If memory serves the former is of a particular romantic bend with a sort of tragic twist while the latter offers more hope.
But one can suggest a middle ground between the two. One doesn’t have to go create an epic tale that will be remembered by all to have a full experience.
One can be with another and have the epic tale on a quieter scale and die a happy person having known something few get to experience.
Do You Write Fiction?
Can’t remember when I wrote that particular piece of fiction posted above, probably a few years back but I put out so much content in so many different places it is hard to say.
Thought about it again today during a work conversation when someone asked me to share my background with them. They wanted to know if I was one of the refugees from California and I shook my head.
“Not a refugee. I got a promotion and moved here because of that. Didn’t leave because I disliked it. Don’t let the silly narratives some people fill your head with confuse you.”
They looked at me, shook their heads and asked if I write fiction.
“You made it sound like you really believe all that.”
“I wasn’t acting. I was born and raised there. I know more about it than you do and can argue both sides. If you want I can highlight how provincial some Texans are and the impact of their myopia upon their worldview.”
I think I surprised him with the strong response but sometimes we need to set boundaries and make it clear that people who repeat the nonsense they hear from others may not know what they are talking about.
Most of the time I don’t pay attention to the ridiculous nonsense some people spew about my home state especially when they have no problem decrying cancel culture while simultaneously advocating for censorship of books they don’t like.
You can’t tell me that you believe in real talk and true education while telling me that everything you disagree with is a lie or pornography.
Reminds me a bit of the conversations we use to have in Con Law when we first started digging into first amendment rights, especially Potter Stewart not being able to identify obscenity but knowing it when he sees it.
I wonder if I am in the crowd in one of those shots below. Can’t say I am, can’t say I am not. Can only say I am fed up with some of this but if I have to roll my sleeves up to fight for some things I have got ample fight left in me.
Miles To Go Before I Sleep
Weather app says it is 31 outside but that it feels like 20. The rain has been falling for a while now though it wasn’t bad when I made one more run to the store around 8.
Decided to grab a few more things for breakfast supplies and matza ball soup.
Got that crazy urge to start driving to LA again because anticipation is weighing on me a bit and my nature is to want to prick the bubble.
Easier to get on a plane so I am not jumping in the car unless I have to. It is a 1500 mile drive that I do in two days I prefer to have time to do some sight seeing.
Never have really done it that way, though I have thought about it more than once. It is always straight to El Paso or Las Cruces, sleep and then straight to LA.
And I am very selective about who goes with me because I push hard. Got a couple of bathroom stops but I tend not to stop for meals.
But I do have this idea that one day I’ll do it in an RV or some sort of camper. I might still decide to stay in a hotel because that is always more comfortable but I like options.
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Had the best workout with weights that I have had in quite some time. First in a while where I felt like I could go heavy for some extended reps.
That is an ego thing more than anything else. It is me raging against the twilight we call aging. I miss being able to do multiple sets without feeling any sort of pull on the joints.
The good news is I never lost the ability to do a set at the heavier weight, but I didn’t like having to adjust. And the truth is I don’t have to do the heavy stuff for any reason other than my own desire.
But we all deal with aging and changes in our own way and this is mine. I own it.
We’ll close this out with one of my son’s favorite pieces of music. Had many good, sophisticated and fine conversations about this and the layers that make up a fine piece of music.
