I posed a question online somewhere around Late November or maybe early December knowing it might not be seen or answered any time soon.
Thought about being more direct so that I would get a quicker response but opted not to.
It was a gut based decision.
There wasn’t necessarily logic or reason behind it or maybe there was.
I asked myself if I ought to approach this in a more direct manner so that I could gain an answer sooner or if I feared not hearing what I wanted to hear.
Decided that I didn’t fear the wrong answer but that timing was everything and that sometimes listening to our gut is the smartest thing we can do.
I tested it out and said to the reflection, “Can I ask you a question?”
Of course my words were repeated back to me exactly as I had said them and so I laughed and walked away.
The one thing I was certain of was that what had led me down this path was something I couldn’t have predicted or anticipated and that every time I thought there were conclusions there were not.
Don’t Go Chasing Ghosts
Someone said don’t go chasing ghosts but I think they knew I didn’t take that under advisement or seriously.
Ghosts are dead and the questions that I wanted answers for had so much life flowing through them you could see sparks fly.
There was never a question of them freezing my soul and leaving an icy heart in their wake, not with that kind of heat.
Nah, if it went sideways you would say it was being burned by the sun and or maybe being choked of air in a bright vacuum.
Several times I turned my face upwards, closed my eyes and smiled as the warmth showered down upon me.
Might not be like superman and able to turn that warmth into superpowers that allow me to fly but I do find it be restorative.
Sometimes I tried to walk the other direction and ignore the magnetic pull knowing with absolute certainty I could keep going. Force of will was all that would be required and habit would lead to acceptance.
Never followed through entirely because something always drew me back. That was enough to simultaneously engage my curiosity and anger.
It seemed unfair and unreasonable, maybe even self destructive.
Took time to engage in the kind of introspection and self reflection that one is supposed to do to prepare for entering monasteries, major life changes and the days of awe and came to the same conclusions.
Couldn’t ignore the voice and the urge to explore. Couldn’t just walk without taking another pass as the questions.
It didn’t have to be logical, rational or reasonable for anyone but me. Sometimes you hear the piper calling to you and you answer.
You answer because you need to know and if not know be able to say you did your best or accept your heart and soul will never forgive your refusal.
What Wouldn’t He Do
Mealoaf died and there are those who still ask what it is that he wouldn’t do. Some ought to ask the same question of themselves.
I have and I do.
Sometimes you wander outside and run with the moon until you can’t run any more and then force yourself to go harder and farther.
Force yourself to see what it takes to make you drop and go beyond because you think some days it don’t come easy and some days it don’t come hard so what the hell.
Go hard and go farther until you reach the kingdom and wander the forest because that is where the piper has taken you.
Life is an adventure and it is moments like Colleyville that remind you again you better not let complacency and inertia from living.
No reason to live like the phantom and just pass through the moments.
