I would prefer to tell you to click on this Three Dog Night link and tell you a story about a girl from the Midwest and make you wonder what it is about then dig into more tales of dead Jews.
Especially because I know a bunch of people won’t bother clicking on this because it talks about dead Jews and our blood is cheap to many.
But I can’t because I need to process some of the day and memorialize some of what happened at Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas on January 15, 2022.
I wasn’t physically there, but I was on the livestream and I heard most of what happened between the start of services and the time in which it got cut off.
Most being the operative word because we couldn’t always make out all of the conversation but we heard the terrorist rant in English and what sounded like Arabic.
We heard him make threats, antisemitic remarks and push what sounded like a weak apology.
The livestream was pushed out via my computer at the dining room table and the whole family bore witness. I had ANOTHER conversation with my children about someone threatening to murder Jews and why we don’t ignore such things.
It comes from the mouths of dead Jews,some who survived such events and some who did not.
You don’t ignore those who say they are going to kill you. You don’t panic either or live in paranoia either. But you damn well don’t pretend that people aren’t prepared to engage in depravity and barbarity.
Hell, some of your neighbors will come up with every excuse not to be inconvenienced in any way and tell you they won’t do the simplest thing to look out for your family.
Is This Your Shul?
The calls, texts and emails started to come in flurries, “is this shul in Texas yours, Are you and your family safe?”
“Don’t remember to run, hide and fight. But you’ll probably fight.”
I put up a post on Facebook letting people know we were ok. I said it is technically “not our shul” and added that I know the rabbi, many congregants and have been there many times.
That is all true, but the part of it not being “my shul” is complicated.
Antisemitic attacks are attacks on all Jews, so yeah this is my shul. Was there a chance we could have been there in person?
Sure, had it not been Covid there was a chance. I won’t debate how big or small that chance is because it is immaterial.
Some of you won’t understand the cold fury behind my words or the rage over this that lies beneath the surface.
You won’t recognize this is not the first time this has happened or that I have always been aware of antisemitism and as a father hyper aware of it.
My kids first experience with education had them walking past security guards, some of whom were armed to go to class at our synagogue.
They didn’t think anything of it. That was their normal.
When they were little there were relatively few more serious conversations about antisemitism. Things were pretty quiet and though I was aware it was out there it didn’t seem more likely than other bad events.
So we did the normal things in teaching them to look both ways before crossing the street, discussed not taking candy from strangers etc.
There wasn’t conversation about people hating them for being Jewish. Had some friends and acquaintances who said they wouldn’t send their kids to a Jewish school because they were afraid.
I told them that was their choice but I wouldn’t let bad people use fear to win. Cost, and quality of education would influence me but nothing else.’
They played sports and engaged in extracurricular activities at the park so they got exposed to lots of different kinds of people.
Time passed, they grew and various events made it clear the time had come to have some of the harder conversations.
Given that we had to talk about lock downs and school shootings some of it was easier as perverse as that sounds.
My daughter talks about how people in her school see her as exotic. They tell her she has beautiful hair, ask if she is white and then squeal when they find out she is Jewish.
We’re a novelty here in Texas.
We make up a small population in general in the US and the world, but it is different here than back in Los Angeles.
There were about ten times as many of us there as here. When my kids moved to public school there was a large enough population they didn’t feel alone. There were lots of Jews and you weren’t likely to be singled out for your faith.
It is different here. It is not uncommon for schools and organizations to plan tests and events on our most important holidays.
Most of the time there is no malice or ill will. It never occurs to people to ask if the dates are a problem.
But occasionally we have had to push back when teachers have suggested they won’t allow make up tests or adjustments.
Sometimes I ask them if they will come in on Christmas or Easter and they tell me it is ridiculous and I ask them why they don’t understand why they can’t offer similar accommodations.
Those moments tend to be few and far between but you still learn that many people wield majority rules as a cudgel without nuance or thought.
This Will Be The Day That I Die
The terrorist said he didn’t care if he died. He spoke with casual indifference but an edge.
Couldn’t see his face or those of the hostages but it was hard not to be very concerned for their safety.
Dude wasn’t talking about going to Shambala but he mentioned Allah several times.
Reminded my kids we judge people based upon their actions and not by their creed or religion with few exceptions.
If you are part of the KKK, Nazi or some sort of white supremacist we don’t view you as being confused. Don’t necessarily three you as an immediate threat either but the voices of the dead Jews say be cautious and be aware.
We talked about what we knew for certain about the situation and I reminded them again of Dad’s law in crisis situations.
“Stay calm and think.”
Later on in the day my daughter talked about fighting back and I nodded. She thinks like I do, hell my son does in this situation too.
I pray we never find out what we really would or would not do.
My daughter also asked me how we can be in 2022 and still have to worry about such things. She expanded upon it and I heard more optimism and hope.
That made me smile because we need that.
I am more hardened than she is and far more cynical about that.
I have a firm belief that more people are good than bad and that we will continue to be astounded by the good that people do.
But I also believe some of that opportunity will always become of the willingness of others to use force when necessary to keep us safe.
That is just not going away.
Epilogue
The hostages are safe and the terrorist is dead. Some people are claiming he is dead because he isn’t white.
He is dead because he walked into a house of worship and threatened the lives of others.
This wasn’t a routine traffic stop. He has to be held accountable for his actions.
If you are unfamiliar with all that happened and want more details you can find them online. You can see he asked for another terrorist to be freed. You can read about his claims and all sorts of stuff.
I know what happened because I was a cyber witness. Not the same as the hostages who were trapped and traumatized, but a witness nonetheless.
There were fewer than 20 people on the livestream when I signed on and almost 8k when it was taken down.
I have the privilege of sleeping in my own bed knowing we are safe and I am grateful because not everyone gets that.
But it doesn’t remove my anger that my kids continue to learn about senseless hate or that children of those I care deeply about learned this lesson again too.
This won’t stop us from living our lives or being who we are but it is another reminder again that we only get one shot at this and to make all we can of the opportunity.
Hug those you care about, because life really does turn on a dime.
