The hair on my head and beard isn’t quite as dark as it used to be because there are lighter colored hairs showing up.
Might be gray, could be white, whatever they are it is not black but for the moment most people won’t notice unless I let them get close enough to stare are me.
Every day I hear about more people I know coming down with Covid but most are vaccinated so the outcome should be good even if a bit uncomfortable for some.
Been flipping through letters I have written that may never be read mulling over whether I need for them to be. Sometimes I think it is too little, too late and sometimes I feel otherwise.
Can’t control what people do or not do or how they feel or do not feel anymore than I can control my own feelings.
Some people have told me that it is a bad way of looking at it and I shake my head.
I can control how and if I choose to respond, not if I am sad, angry or happy. The best I can do there is try to frame or reframe some things but there are limitations.
Got a half dozen solicitations that ask the question not because they care about my well being but because they want my business.
“Come to my office, come to this dinner, tune into my webinar and I’ll give you the tools to answer that question.”
Everyone promises success and everyone promises the potential to retire sooner than I think I can.
I look at my family tree and stare at the name of my great-great-great grandfather and wonder if he ever thought about being able to do such a thing.
Was it possible for man born before the civil war to consider retirement or was a lifetime of work the lot he accepted because it was all he knew and had seen.
Got a few friends who have managed to leave the working world and they all range in age from their early fifties to about 55 which is to say they are still young.
I like the idea of working because I choose to and not because I have to. It is my typical response to those who ask me about retirement.
The truth is the portfolio looks pretty good today and in theory makes me wonder if maybe I can head out sooner.
But then I wonder how long I have left and ask is it enough.
Genetics and luck play a funny game. Got three grandparents who made it into their nineties and a bunch of great-grandparents too.
Also have a grandmother who didn’t hit 60 and and a bunch of other relatives who died in their fifties and sixties.
Is the clock at 10, 25 or 40 years of life left?
I don’t know but I do know there isn’t enough to last for 40 years and 25 is a stretch too. Hell, probably can’t do 10 because there is college and weddings to worry about.
Chances are there is another decade or so left and I am not particularly bothered by it…most days.
I don’t want to retire now and barely get by. I don’t want to retire later and worry about cash.
If I hated what I do things would likely be different but I don’t and hope that never happens again.
Still can’t help but wonder sometimes how to best manage it all because I want to be able to enjoy my retirement. I want to be physically able and capable.
Nothing profound nor unusual in that.
So I write letters and thoughts down, some to myself and some to others and see where it leads and what magic it unfolds.
There are posts on Facebook that make me wonder if some who are now positive have been vaccinated.
I want to ask if they have gotten jabbed and if not, why not. I want to ask them if there is a legitimate medical reason for not doing so.
I want to ask and comment because I wonder if they aren’t part of the reason we’re still dealing with this.
And then I consider whether I should be silent because there is probably no upside to my inquiring into something that can easily be cited as not being my business.
They haven’t been vocal publicly about denigrating the vaccines or pushing people not to do it. They haven’t said things that made me want to shake them.
I am as tired as the next person of waiting for things to go back to whatever normal is.
Hell, I am tired of listening to idiots claim that January 6 wasn’t something to be worried about and that it was a false flag or overblown.
I am tired of them not fighting to protect our democracy but here we are fighting in spite of them.
The future is a funny thing because we can’t know it all even though we want to.
Single guy at work asks me if I have any thoughts and or advice about getting married. He is 23 and figures I probably know thing.
I tell him about the ex who is a grandmother and who married quite young. I tell him about another who was very successful and one who could have been amazing.
And then I tell him about the pandemic, 9/11, the Gulf War, and two friends who died before we turned 30.
“Would they have been better lovers, partners, mothers and friends? Maybe and maybe not. They would have been different and my life would have been different.
Don’t know what will happen but I do know life will happen and that how we respond to those things will impact our lives.
Make the best choice you can and then hope.”
It is not a perfect response and it is not supposed to be. It is a 3 minute response based upon experience and sprinkled with good intentions for whatever that is worth.
Later on I look out the window and think about all that has happened and all that I hope to have happen.
Grab a pad, write some things upon it and transcribe some pieces hoping that maybe there is some magic in the air that I can secure and make work for me.
And if not, well it never hurts to practice putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard or so I have heard.