“Women: I liked the colors of their clothing; the way they walked; the cruelty in some faces; now and then the almost pure beauty in another face, totally and enchantingly female. They had it over us: they planned much better and were better organized. While men were watching professional football or drinking beer or bowling, they, the women, were thinking about us, concentrating, studying, deciding – whether to accept us, discard us, exchange us, kill us or whether simply to leave us. In the end it hardly mattered; no matter what they did, we ended up lonely and insane.”― Charles Bukowski, Women
Been butt-dialed by some family and friends a few times lately and heard things they may not have wanted me to hear.
Wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but wasn’t sure if they knew they had called me so I hung on the line for a moment and shouted their names.
There was no answer and so I hung up and forgot what I had heard. Thought about it because of other conversations in which I discussed health issues and where I drew lines.
Because it was clear to me that I would need to decide if I wanted to go there or not.
Would I make like Field of Dreams and adopt a “if you build it he will come” tack or sail a different direction.
Thought about blogging about it in detail elsewhere because there are spaces where one can write with reckless abandon.
Kind of funny because there are people who allege I am a poor communicator and haven’t a clue I can tell a coherent story with a beginning, middle and end.
There are others who don’t recognize the reason they don’t have more details is because they interrupt the story so often it has become work to tell it and I have no interest in working so I stay silent.
If I have told you more than once that conversations are frustrating there probably are very few going on. I don’t have it in me any more.
Transition To A New World
Traffic to the blog is beginning to rise again and there are an increasing number of likes but relatively no comments which makes me wonder a bit about the validity of the likes.
Are they being given because people really appreciate what they are reading or because they hope to get me to click upon their material.
I have received a number of compliments upon my writing from members of some Facebook groups and several people who have known me for years but weren’t familiar with my writing.
It is gratifying to hear and much appreciated but those are different from the likes regarding posts.
If you compare these to trails these are not like the Roman ramp at Masada that takes you straight to the top.
These are snake trails that zig zag and sometimes go in circles never quite following an outline because I put my thoughts down upon the page without trying to organize them.
Several of the FB posts are very different because of their purpose. They are designed to sway and influence so there is a structure whereas here there is almost none.
So I am skeptical about the purpose of likes that don’t come with comments.
הֲבֵ֤ל הֲבָלִים֙ אָמַ֣ר קֹהֶ֔לֶת הֲבֵ֥ל הֲבָלִ֖ים הַכֹּ֥ל הָֽבֶל
“Vanity of vanities, said Koheleth; vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
Thinking about stories and the layered tapestries of the worlds that are built within.
There are internal deadlines I have set for some things. Answers to questions that determine next steps, projects I am considering taking on and more.
Sometimes you have to find one or two things that you give you reason to believe in more than only that which you can taste, touch and feel.
Sometimes grab the magic you sense in the air and take it in your hand and hold on even though you can’t quite reconcile it.
“It is true, all of it…Just let it in.”