Go back a chunk of years in memory and remember someone asking why I was pacing back and forth in the hotel room.
Wasn’t the first time I heard that and certainly not the last because there are moments where I wonder if sparks of energy are flying off of me and I can’t hold still.
Mind is racing, thoughts are flying and the body is anxious to move at the light speed pace of the brain. Doesn’t matter whether it is good stuff or bad, sometimes it just happens.
Got a big meeting tomorrow and if you ask if I am wired, I’ll say ‘just a little.’
Been mapping it out in my head and preparing answers to potential questions and thinking about possibilities. Strategizing for the coming chess game is kind of fun, but damn there are moments.
‘Cause I’m As Free As A Bird
Broke free of the shackles a while back and been running with the moon. Exhaustion catches up with me and I collapse and then get up and do it again.
Colleague asks how I can sit so very still and be laser focused and then move to this other place and I laugh.
“Don’t know, always been like this. I am at my best when I work in giant bursts of energy.”
They remind me of a comment a former employer made years ago about how they thought I ought to work. I asked if they had a complaint about the quality of my work and they said no.
“If you haven’t any complaint about that I am not certain what the issue is. I don’t wear a sweater because you’re cold. If my actions aren’t having a negative impact upon others there isn’t a problem here.”
He didn’t particularly like that but he had no substantive response because there was no legitimate issue not that your boss has to have one.
The chain-of-command doesn’t care about whether you understand or agree with decisions, it only asks you to follow.
Told my son that as my father told me and said if he was lucky he would work for people who weren’t threatened by individuals who could be unconventional.
“Dad, are you saying you are difficult to manage?”
“Depends, I am not well suited to some positions. If you have me in the right one there aren’t any issues.”
Made a point to flesh out what that means and the importance of understanding that sometimes you have to go along to get along.
“I don’t argue about everything. Don’t fight just to fight. I try to be strategic and calculated in the battles I choose to engage in. People like to work with people who get along with others and that is often more important than being good at what you do.”
Took me a long time to learn how to just be and to ignore the narishkeit and stupidity of the working world. I am not perfect at it, but hell there is so much I don’t react or respond to because there is no upside to it. Don’t need to react and complain about every irritation. Don’t need to talk in every meeting unless there is something worth adding.
Unshackled makes it so much easier.
Write It Out
In the midst of the storm got to write it out. Got some deas about what will happen and where it will lead but won’t know until it comes.
So I travel around and write out the storm in the places where I can drop some words freely upon the page. They say when you are thinking of me I am thinking of you.
Got to see some people face-to-face to have conversations so that I can read their expressions and body language.
Got to get on the treadmill so I can burn off some of the calories of the day. Clothes are fitting better but not as I wish them to, impatience is a virtue right.
Singing I want you back with The Jackson 5 letting people wonder if I am referring to a person or a 19 year-old metabolism.
Don’t ask if I am a troublemaker because you already know the answer and if you don’t you’ll find out if you are lucky.
Damn, I wish it was 8 PM on Wednesday night, time moves so fast and yet so very slow.
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