I traveled back in time to read the words you wrote long ago and to see the response I gave then and now so that I could take time to sit with it all.
Time to sit, think and consider what I believed then, in between and now.
Came to the same conclusions and left the current response in place laughing as if deleting it would make a difference.
I could say these things in person and perhaps I will one day because there will be an opportunity to do so.You can say it is because I know things, fortune favors the bold or fate will make it so.
Pick one or pick all, the end is the same.
That is what happens when nothing makes sense through the logical and rational lens and you have to go inwards to find the truth.
That is what today was like, a three alarm fire and I was the sole fireman on the scene.
It wasn’t great but I am used to doing it all alone and have been in this place for so long it is no longer noticeable. It is only when I look backwards and try to figure out how things go to this place that I recognize and remember.
Sometimes I wonder if this has been preparation for something to come but most of the time I figure it is just how it is and given that I am said to be exceptionally difficult to get along with and the source of all evil it is ok.
Why deal with group projects and negotiate when one has carry to the main burden and others take all the credit or at least most of it.
It is not impossible to rectify but I don’t know that I care enough about some of it.
Reminds me of some meetings I sit in where one person repeatedly insists on dominating the conversation. I generally stay silent unless I have something meaningful to say or to ask a question I feel is important.
But every now and then when I am feeling a little feistier than normal I make a point raise my voice just a little so the other has to give up their dominance.
I haven’t yet told them most of what they say comes across as being done solely for them to hear the sound of their own voice.
Haven’t yet pointed out that people sigh and cringe when these convoluted diatribes about situations that no one else encounters are described.
But I am certain it will come.
I’ll try to avoid it and not engage in unnecessary nonsense, but I won’t run from it if it is brought to me.
Maybe that means I want to do it or maybe it means I would prefer not to but am not particularly bothered by it.
Don’t know, not sure and won’t spend much time beyond these words thinking about it.
“Woman, I hope my damn chute opens or that I figure out how to fly because otherwise it is going to hurt and I’ll say bleah.”
Soon to be found on a greeting card or something like that…maybe.
