Some of you might have heard a noise you thought was thunder but had you been outside you might have recognized a voice that sounded like mine when I start to get loud.
Might have heard the edge and felt the flames of a fire and maybe intuition would have provided insight as to the cause but probably not.
Hear the rumble of me muttering “I move on the way a storm blows through I never stay, but then again, I might” and a moment later roll into But I remember everything.
Conversations come and go and they ask about choices that were made and I answer but leave off the but at what cost because that can only go one way.
It will be blunt and unforgiving because there are no two ways about some things, no shades of gray, just the aftermath of black and white decisions.
No time to engage in introspection, reflection, recrimination or flagellation based upon what was done because if I could have gone back I would have.
People don’t like hearing that. They want to be fed the “I would do it all again” because it feels good but I can’t eat a mouthful of ashes and pretend it tastes good.
I own what I have done and will fight those who ask me to accept responsibility for what I haven’t.
“Put the nail through my hand and see if I change my stance.”
It is not hyperbole or for dramatic purposes. It is a descriptor of position and how seriously I take it.
We all have our challenges and I am certain I have been to hell more than once. I am also certain I have always figured out how to climb out or at least figured out how to survive so there is very little that truly scares me.
That is what happens when you recognize the price you have paid for certain choices.
When you give up opportunities that you think would have brought you significant joy because you thought it was the right thing you have to live with the consequences.
Doesn’t mean there isn’t hope that you won’t get another shot or find an alternative that will bring you joy too because opportunity exists.
Sometimes you have to polish the rust, dust and mud that obscures your vision but if you do you can learn to see clearly again.
If you have experience, patience and a willingness to work you can pull opportunity out of the ether but only if you are willing to work.
What Comes Next
There are huge changes coming on top of the huge ones already taken and experienced.
Every time someone tells me I am not who or what I once was I nod my head and think about this video. There is a simple message there about remembering how many limits are self imposed by ourselves or society.
Maybe one day there will be more reasons to no longer ignore those we impose upon ourselves and to accept we really aren’t able to go beyond some places.
Maybe that day will come sooner than later but then again maybe it won’t because we can figure out to adapt and pivot.
Some of this is hard, so terribly hard because there are whispers and things that make me wonder if maybe that day is closer by than I realize.
The mirror isn’t always a fun house mirror and sometimes there is a truth in reflection we cannot ignore. Maybe the girl responds or doesn’t respond because time has taken a toll greater than what was realized, let alone accepted.
But then again we go back to see if there is a clear field of vision and if maybe we can still fly if we only take a chance and see if our wings still work.
Took at look at numbers from the last six months and discovered the growth in some areas was far more significant than I realized.
That made a profound impact upon me in a positive way and confirmed I am absolutely on the right track. It is definitely tied into the mention of thunder in the beginning because it is proof I am correct.
And it confirmed my willingness to continue to tell people to get out my way or get run over. After all of the work that went in to getting to this place I will not be denied or dissuaded.
I will finish what I started and see what the end result bears out because to do less than that would break things that cannot be repaired.