I could tell about the moment in May of 2013 in which I debated whether to cross the bridge and see what lay upon the other side or to remain where I was.
Not hard to see myself standing in my apartment in Fort Worth walking towards the balcony, beer in hand, watching a beautiful Texas sunset knowing I had solved part of an equation.
“You figured it out, mostly and if you can accept that you can waltz into whatever comes next.
Almost laughed out loud because it was clear then I was going to go the distance and tango my way into the next chapter because “mostly figured” out isn’t the same as all the way.
Centuries before I was born my old pal Leonardo spelled things out in a way that makes sense to me.
It is not about chasing that adrenaline rush either, it is about knowing there is another level that you can operate on so going the distance made sense to me.
Write It Down
Self help books make me crazy because they all the say the same thing.
- “If you fail to plan you plan to fail”
- “Be more disciplined and you’ll be better.”
- “Write it down and be accountable.”
There is truth in all of those but I don’t need to see them written 598 different ways to understand or appreciate it.
I have “written it down” elsewhere so that I could be held accountable and provide actionable ideas and insights and have hinted at some things here.
That has provided some help in goal setting and clarification of ideas but it also makes me a little crazy.
The vulnerability leads to awareness of a deep ache and recognition I can’t just ignore it and I can’t just fix it.
Most of the time I am good with that because I am certain I will figure it out and come to a place where I am comfortable with an outcome.
But there are moments where it feels harder and finding my footing while straddling worlds more challenging.
Moments where consider whether I ought to just throw my hands in the air and say I have done all I can do. Hell, I have tried doing it multiple times and every time I have there is that Michael Corleone moment of “just when I think I am out they suck me back in again.”
I am not complaining. I haven’t given up free will or self-control. It is my choice to continue upon particular paths.
Won’t lie and say I don’t see things that encourage me to continue. You can call it signs, opportunity or timing and all might be accurate.
You can also say there is a deadline too but that isn’t what we’re discussing here.
This is recognition of a path and acknowledgement of writing down goals elsewhere with the intent to solve for X.
What happens after that is unknown and that is part of the joy of life. You can only see so far into the future and after that you have no visibility and have to take three steps forward so that you can see past the veil.
Leo was right, once you have tasted flight any time you are on your back you cannot help but remember the same as when you are upright and see lights moving through the heavens.
Solve for x and find out or shrug your shoulders and know you got as far as building the equation and nothing more.