The plan was to get a quick prick Friday afternoon and head into the weekend knowing two weeks later I’d be back for a second and perhaps that is how it will play out.
Got an email and a text suggesting it to be so but I also got a different sort of prick to deal with and I wonder if it is because I tried to do the right thing.
Followed instructions and got kicked in the balls by someone whose lack of attention, poor communication and emotionally crippled IQ made it impossible for a different outcome.
I’ll take the hit on that one because I haven’t many options and acknowledge I should have done things my way.
Should have leaned in, put all I had into pushing the boulder out of the way and then taken my chances.
I would have felt better and not been sitting here knowing I got caught by a tooth or three.
Yeah June, I am in that place between secret garden and walking through hell covered in gasoline.
It is an outwit, outlast and outplay kind of moment and that is what I’ll do. Life is short, love hard and live hard right.
Explained to someone that I am a contradiction, very much of a hard ass in many ways and yet, far too sensitive about others.
Makes for an opportunity to be misunderstood and mishandled
Maybe it is the full moon that has me feeling up against it or maybe it is something else. Maybe I really am, but I am not giving up.
I am digging in, planting my heels and gearing up for what comes.
Got no doubt that part of this is because of four years of an unhinged fool in the White House, a pandemic, conspiracy theorists in positions of influence and kooks who feel emboldened.
It wears a man down, takes his energy and ability bounce back down a notch. It sucks the life out of him a second at a time and makes for a bad moment.
Reminded the reflection there might be people who would offer a hand but the only one you can trust to rescue you is yourself.
You are the cavalry and you have to figure out how to connect the dots in whatever way brings you back.
Sing Along
Hear the lyrics and sing along with parts knowing some will understand and other won’t but be unconcerned because you can’t cater to all.
Mama, they try and break me
The window burns to light the way back home
A light that warms, no matter where they’ve gone
They’re off to find the hero of the day
But what if they should fall by someone’s wicked way?
Maybe there is a way forward, a light not at the end, but the middle of the tunnel for those brave enough to go get it.
Maybe you walk alone and apart or maybe another slips their hand into yours and you gain a companion.
Can’t know, won’t know without trying.
****
The children tease me about my hands and say they are still bigger than most.
Daughter points out her older brother may be about my height but still hasn’t gotten a hand like mine.
It is damn close in size and I am not concerned about whether it matches mine or exceeds it.
Makes no difference.
Reminds me of a moment many years ago where mom took my hand in hers and looked up at me.
“You used to be little” or something like that.
I patted her on the head and laughed but I understand it now.
Daughter talks about how remote school has helped prepare her for college because she has to manage her schedule and her time and I nod my head.
She sort of hopes to go back to school for a senior year but sort of doesn’t want to.
It will be nice to see her friends and hang out but the regimented structure is less exciting.
Having to wake up early and deal with bell schedules, fire drills, attendance and some of the one size fits all approach to school has no charm to it.
When she comments on it I remind her I have been working out of a remote office for more than a decade now.
It wouldn’t be impossible to go back to an office environment but it would require significant motivation and take time to become re-accustomed to.
Don’t expect any changes like that to happen any time soon.
But I do expect changes, you can count on it.
In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. — Abraham Lincoln
