“Wasn’t going to write anything at all June, didn’t feel well, was tired and out of sorts and then I figured why not. Why not throw words on a page and suggest you go look for other words elsewhere or not. Can’t make anyone do anything, at least not from a distance.
But hell, it is not as far as it once was and lightning strikes more than once, even more than twice. Just ask that Magic 8 Ball and it will tell you to listen to the damn Taurus, half crazy or not.
Just words on a page.”
Probably Stress
Could sit on a couch with Netflix playing Walk The Line, The Notebook or some action movie and get lost in conversation about dreams of what was, what is and what could be.
Would be a hell of a lot more useful than the malaise that hit me yesterday and carried on and off throughout today.
Battled it to a draw and just when I thought I had it beat it came roaring back but it didn’t reckon on my unwillingness to just roll over and die.
Didn’t plan on my tenacity and penchant for dancing in the fire and banging my head against concrete walls. Might not be my best feature or one worth bragging about, but it does have the occasional upside.
So just when I thought I’d call it a night and go to sleep at 9:15 I dragged myself to the couch and went looking for a way out of the hole.
Pulled out my phone, use the Duolingo app to do a couple of Hebrew lessons and then played a few rounds of Words With Friends and suddenly I rallied.
Felt myself wake up and energy begin to surge and recognized that if things kept going that way I might be awake well past two which isn’t the best thing on a school night where you know morning comes too early.
Played around with stepping back on the treadmill to try and force myself to put another couple of miles in but didn’t.
Probably should have because I look my age and that is not something I hear or how I think about myself. And then I remembered life during a pandemic, post failed coup and ample chaos and decided I am entitled to look a little worn out.
Today is just one day of many and up to know I have a perfect record of beating every bad day so I might as well do it again because I can.
And because I know things.
One day I won’t beat it, but that is not today and I am not going to worry about the monster that is chasing me. He’ll catch me one day and we’ll do battle again and if I do as I have always done I will win and if not, well the long night will begin and my watch will be over.
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
It’s good advice that I try to live by. I spend too much time looking at the world and wondering if my thoughts and analysis are as spot on as they feel.
Too much time with the sort of intensity that drains the life out of some but motivates others.
Sometimes you have to let that shit go and just be silly because you can’t go that hard for that long without some kind of release.
Can’t pound it out day in and day out without having a way to catch your breath and feel like someone has got your back without losing pieces of yourself, if not all of you.
So sometimes you have to take that breath and remember it is just life and to some these are just words on a page and to others, well maybe they are something else.
Or maybe not.
Could be worse, instead of knowing that lightning strikes you could never know what kind of charge that brings into life and never had the joy of the jolt.
Really.
