I Am Not Smiling

Someone asked me how I can be so calm during the craziest year we have ever experienced and all I can say is “I have been through worse.”

It’s not hyperbole, it’s fact.

I have been through worse.

Some may disagree and ask to debate but I won’t engage because my feeling is I have been through worse.

That’s the thing about feelings, they’re not always based upon logic or reason nor do they have to be.

I have been through worse. I have been in Hell and watched as everyone around me celebrated, loved and lived while I didn’t.

You could point out that we never know what is going on in another person’s life and I would say that’s true. I know some people had bigger issues than I did that then, but it didn’t feel like it.

I was in Hell and very few were there to help.

That is not a guilt trip, it is my observation of that time.

It is why I pay close attention to actions and not words.

Someone told me they liked my smile because it lit up the room and I thought, “I am not smiling” because my eyes weren’t even though my lips presented a different picture.

Some people don’t get it.

A Hard Year

It has been a hard year, doesn’t matter that I have been through worse, it was still hard.

Regardless it has had some pretty good moments and reasons to celebrate, even if we stumbled into a less than satisfying Chanukah.

Got the gift of perspective and recognition that I am on track to make the changes I expect to for the right reasons.

Some people need two hands on the back of the head, some people want two hands on the back of the head, some don’t deserve it and won’t get it.

That is ok, I know what I have to do and I am good with it…mostly.

Got to go write elsewhere and figure out what story I need to tell to bring about some professional changes. Got a few ideas, guess we’ll see if they work.

One day at a time, one step at a time.

There are better posts and better stories, but there are worse ones too. 🙂