Sent out a thought into the universe and told my number one fan that I feel a change coming and that I can feel the shackles on my legs and wrists, but not like I once did.
Now I feel them loosening their grip and whether it is because I have never stopped testing their structural integrity or because I have figured out how to pick the locks is immaterial.
They are coming off and once I slip these bonds I will be set free to do as I have wanted and there is no doubt that good things will happen.
Said if you have ever felt the deepest connection and sense of trust ever you will get it because some things cannot ever be forgotten because when lightning strikes nothing is ever the same.
Watch Out For What You Wish For
Had a conversation today in which I laid my cards on the table and said it wasn’t a good idea to try to do too much and suggested that we dial things back 30 percent because I’d rather do less and do it very well than half ass things.
There were unintentional consequences because that naked honesty pulled them in and made them want to go for the bigger portion and I felt myself offer a barbaric yawp while simultaneously muttering something about fighting dragons.
Walked into the bathroom, stared at my reflection and asked the guy looking back at me if we had it in us to do what is going to be required and he laughed.
“Figure it out.”
I snorted and asked when we don’t try to figure it out.
“You remember we tried to fix two dislocated fingers ourselves. Got one done and the noise it made scared us into letting the doc fix the other.”
He nodded and asked if we enjoyed the arthritis in our fingers.
“Why do you think we do the hand exercises. We’re too young to let go and too dumb to accept the limitations of time and social convention.”
He said heartbreak can set you free and it can break you.
****
Was a big day in so many ways and had so many moments most of which cannot be shared here now and maybe ever.
Saw Dad in my dreams for the first time in a long while and had a conversation I still remember.
Don’t care if it is just wishful thinking or if it really happened because what we said there is what we have said in person.
Told him my intentions again and shared a few other things. He gave his blessing and said to be smart, can’t beat that.
Work colleague asked if Dad the same Pancreatic cancer as Trebek and I said yeah. They didn’t get into specifics but asked if I ever worried about what would happen if I got it too.
“Nope, don’t spend much time thinking about it.”
He paused and said he wasn’t trying to be pushy but wanted to know if I was compartmentalizing or if I wasn’t understanding what could happen.
“If it happens I’ll fight. I’ll give it all I have got and we’ll see who is left standing and that is how we know who won.”
He gave me credit for a reference to The Untouchables and asked again what I thought.
“I don’t worry about it. Got bigger and more likely issues to focus upon. That’s where my gaze falls.
Can’t focus on all that could go wrong without thinking about all that could go right. All we can do is play the hand we’re dealt and that is what I do.”
Still feel that change coming.
Leave a Reply