The Consequences of Truth Telling has stuck with me for a day or two as has the moment I suggested someone grab a popsicle and chill out.
Sorting through some thoughts and flipping through some Nine Inch Nails songs because I can feel a partially formed idea sitting in the back of my mind.
Got more tequila in the glass to my right than I care to share and have shifted to Carefree Highway and the sense the next chapter of our lives is about to begin.
It is a relief and though there is so much to do yet there is a sense of hope and optimism that hasn’t been around for a long while.
Tempted to tell Jericho it’s time to let down the wall or ask if I am supposed to tear it down because some people never say I love you first.
Down most of the tequila in a single gulp and consider getting a refill knowing that if for some reason I find myself on the couch the only person in the house who is capable of moving me is me.
In an emergency I have faith the younger Mr. Wilner could do it because he is mine and the one thing every Wilner man is gifted with is significant physical strength.
However we also have a double dose of what you would call stubborn so that kid isn’t doing it unless he chooses to.
What Door Will You Choose?
Been thinking about Dad on and off through the week for the obvious reasons and because I’d like to pick up the phone and tell him we proved we are not so far down the dark path there is no hope.
Would tell him I let his youngest daughter know I’d get in the car if necessary and drive to wherever and told the oldest on the same.
Neither took me up on the offer but damn if that guy still doesn’t influence me from beyond the grave.
Thought about driving out to the cemetery just to tell him about some of the other stuff I pulled off and how I am tentatively scheduled to drive out to Louisiana and take care of some things.
Bought myself some time but it sure looks like it is going to be necessary but maybe on my schedule.
Hard to say, but was told I spoke so eloquently the girls wanted to marry me and the guys wanted to hang out.
The hyperbole was kind of nice to hear and I wasn’t entirely sure whether to say thank you or stay quiet so I chose the latter. Let my actions be my response.
****
We all watched Joe and Kamala speak and I paid extra attention to the expression on my daughter’s face during when Kamala spoke about opportunity.
That girl of mine is a powerhouse but it doesn’t hurt for her to see others do things that ought to be simple and easy but haven’t been.
Wonder if my niece recognizes she is the same age as Kamala’s mother was when she came to this country and smiled on her behalf too.
Like her cousin she is seeing proof that big opportunities exist.
Both of them want to be doctors but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t strive to get exactly what their brothers/cousins or any man can get without some of the same effort.
Told both kids I voted with their futures in mind and smiled when the older said he did the same.
And then I made a point to remind them that more than one door will open and they are not limited to choosing just the one.
“You have to pick one to walk through but no one says you have to stay in the room you have chosen even when you are my age.”
There are no force ghosts here to look out at and share thoughts or memories with though I have upon occasion tried to find them.
Sometimes they come and visit in my dreams and if I choose to look for them I can always hear their voices and feel their presence.
I have had friends who still have both parents ask me my thoughts and I always tell them I ‘who knows.’
Science tells me they are gone and I haven’t any proof of anything else though I have experiences that have made me wonder.
I suspect some might want to know more but I won’t speak of it unless it is person in very specific situations. It is not a discussion to just have.
****
Last night some of the old friends gathered again via Zoom and talked about where we are and where we hope to get to.
It was one of those moments where we collectively began to breathe just a little bit and frame some of what is going to have to happen before life becomes normal again.
One of the gang is a professional musician and normally spends significant time touring around the world.
I asked him if he had been given any update on when they might resume and he shrugged his shoulders.
Told us they really don’t have any more information than we do and then we drifted into a conversation about his business.
Some of it is interesting because aspects of his life appear to be pulled from movies and then so much is mundane.
Meetings about process, about how to prepare for other meetings and discussions about the kind of nonsense that prevents real work from getting done.
In short, it is very familiar, albeit a different industry.
Recapped it with my oldest as there were so many good life lessons in it. Hours of practice, hours of waiting, hours of advocating for ourselves and hours of 83,168 other things.
Reminded him that one of the best things about his position in life is time to experiment a bit and see what suits you.
You need direction but you can experiment a little bit too because there is time to adjust.
And damn if it doesn’t look like we are getting a new president and vice-president who are going to work to help make that future a little brighter and shinier.
Doesn’t remove the burden of doing the hard work ourselves, but it might move a couple of obstacles out of the way or at least shrink them.
It is a good feeling, this return of hope and optimism.
