That picture caught me off guard, made me think and remember.
And just when I thought I had it all figured out I realized I only thought I did, can’t blame it on anyone else though I sometimes want to.
They say the queen calls you to her court on her terms, not yours and though you may fight going, eventually you will go.`
That burning ring of fire, it burns, burns, burns.
Been running in the shadows doing what needed to be done because it was required but every now and then the echoes of the past reached into the present and made me look towards the future.
Made me remember what Rilke said about other things.
“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
Reminded that when I left I promised to return and that was after having been told I would never be forgiven for not having found them 20 years earlier.
But all things happen in their time and that time doesn’t always reflect our own schedule and so here we are in the midst of chaos and confusion yet still here.
Wasn’t supposed to be like this, wasn’t supposed to ride like a car with a flat or a square wheel except that is how it went for a bit.
And when the axle broke and the damn thing wouldn’t move any more I got out and started moving, never moving with an actual map, just an internal compass that directed me to that north star I remembered.
Sometimes I would stop and tarry for a while elsewhere but that empty feeling pushed me into moving again because that ache never went away, not completely.
There were moments when it was less prevalent and easier to ignore but sooner or later that push would come and it became easier to dance in the fire while moving than just standing in place.
What A Dream I Had
I wandered past those empty streets lost in the moment unsure of where I was but moving, always moving because I had to keep going.
Some said I was moving backwards or treading water and I shook my head no because they didn’t understand, couldn’t understand what they didn’t know and hadn’t experienced.
So when they called me a fool and pelted me with rocks I shrugged my shoulders and took it because I could and because it was what I had signed up for.
Not for the long term but for that undefined in between period.
It took years to make the first discovery and then years to sail between continents and then more years to to fill the needs of the quest but always I knew I would return.
Always because some things aren’t stopped they are only slowed down or something like that.
And to think all that had been forgotten was remembered because of a picture.
