I was there when he said, “I am dying a slow death and you need to stop thinking I’ll always be here because it could change. Sometimes life happens and there is not a damn thing the docs or science can do.”
Seemed kind 0f dramatic to me but I didn’t stick around to see how it played out. I just walked until my legs hurt and then wrote a post or 19.
Break Free Of The Chains
When word came that the plumber was not coming I let loose a roar and a string of curses the two generations of Wilner men who preceded me would have recognized.
The following day wasn’t filled with much reason to celebrate or cheer and I let some of those who made it so know they had earned my ire.
One pushed back and was surprised at what they received in return as I gave more than I had gotten.
“People say that 2020 is the worst year ever but it is not even close to my worse. I have at least two if not more that make this one seem tame. Know this, I paid a severe price for making it through them but I made it through.
You either break free of the chains or play victim. I can’t force some things to happen but I will not suffer fools or victims.
I make changes or I change situations. There are no options.”
****
It occurred to me I could have given the speech to the guy who said he was dying a slow death and that maybe I ought to.
I heard him say something about love and friendship and could have commented in either or both with a certain amount of expertise but Monday left no room for that.
Without a certain kind of support it just wasn’t going to happen and even if it did come there was no guarantee I would allow myself to be pacified.
The funny thing about it was recognizing that I might allow someone to try because that acknowledged a depth of trust not normally given.
But some people won’t submit and so it goes.
Had a conversation with someone about how the key to the lock was always there and laughed.
“You know I know this right? You know I could turn the key unlock it at any time?
I could release it and myself at any time but I actively choose not to. You can decide if it is because of a need for self flagellation or if there is a deeper reason.
I know my answer and that is enough.”
There was a raised eyebrow and an expression that suggested a question was coming but whether it did or not was moot as I was no longer there.
The sun rose and the sun set on that long ago.
