I told Brother Pablo I feel this need to speak with someone about some things and he said maybe I should.
He asked “how will you do it” and stayed silent so I could answer.
“Words aren’t enough but maybe I can figure out how to paint the picture I see and to play the melody I hear with them or with quotes.
“To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life.”
― Pablo Neruda
Brother Pablo says this is not enough and the one most go harder and deeper to get at the root and truth of the dishonesty of what is left unsaid.
So I look at him and say we often hide our hearts from others because we fear getting hurt and we fear hurting.
He says this is no reason not to speak our truth and that people cannot enter a door left locked or one they do not know to open.
“with your name on my mouth
and a kiss that never
broke away from yours.”
― Pablo Neruda
Brother Pablo shakes his head again.
“You’re getting closer and almost speaking the truth you know to share but haven’t. You knock on the door but fail to wait to see if it is answered.
Why give up hope and let chance lead the way when chance is whimsy and hope is strength.”
I shrug my shoulders and ask what he thinks I ought to do.
He says language affects our constructs and answers me in Spanish.
“Te amo sin saber como, ni cuando, ni de donde.
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
asi te amo porque no se amar de otra manera,
sino asi de este modo en que no soy ni eres…”
I nod and smile because I understand his point and his direction, though I am not sure others will.
Brother Pablo says “you know what you must do, no?”
I laugh, say no and ask if he will tell me knowing he will defer.
“This is your choice, but I feel you will know what to do.”
“Words aren’t enough Brother Pablo, sometimes you must see their eyes and know whether they are listening and only then can you discern if they hear you.”
Brother Pablo smiles and hands me a card. I look down and smile knowing he prepared it for this moment but did not know who he would give it to.
“I am not jealous
of what came before me.
Come with a man
on your shoulders,
come with a hundred men in your hair,
come with a thousand men between your breasts and your feet,
come like a river
full of drowned men
which flows down to the wild sea,
to the eternal surf, to Time!
Bring them all
to where I am waiting for you;
we shall always be alone,
we shall always be you and I
alone on earth,
to start our life!”