I was 3.5 miles into my walk and heading home when I felt my blood sugar drop and realized the last section was going to be ugly.
Didn’t have any snacks or water on me and I remembered I am too damn big to be carried home and there wasn’t any one around to carry me anyhow.
One thought flew through my mind.
“It is diabolical…dammit.”
Thought for a moment about going to take a nap against a tree or slithering home on my belly like a giant snake but neither really appealed to me.
So I willed myself home and walked in with Niagara Falls pouring down my face. Dragged myself to the fridge, grabbed a piece of cheese and silently said, “take that ya diabolical sludgemonster.”
Don’t really know what that means nor do I care to figure it out. If you really want to know you can ask but I make no promises about what kind of answer you’ll get.
Had a conversation with someone who asked if I understood what it means to take a chance and snorted.
They said they weren’t sure how to take that and I said I have jumped off more than one cliff and out of more than a couple of planes.
“Can’t take too much time to think about it or you will never jump. If you give real thought to what could happen you’ll freeze.”
Somehow this led to a conversation in which I blew the guys mind wide open because he asked me if I ever worried about my immortal soul and I said no.
“You ought to take this seriously. If you don’t know G-d you risk more than you know.”
Sometimes life in the bible belt is ever so stimulating.
“Do you want me to offend you now or later?”
“Who says you are going to offend me. I don’t think you could, my faith is strong.”
“Nah, not that strong or you wouldn’t need to push me to join your cult.”
He laughed and told me it was a good shot but he wasn’t going to break because I wasn’t serious.
“Are you sure?”
“Why would you try to offend me?”
I asked him if it ever occurred to him that witnessing might be offensive to others and then he paused and said no.
“You probably think it is pretty cool and that you are giving them something special and amazing. Maybe that works for some, but to others it is offensive and unwanted. Just keep it in mind.”
We talked about it for a few more minutes and he realized I wasn’t upset and asked again why I wasn’t bothered.
“I am very comfortable with my beliefs. I have spent 51 years getting here.”
I didn’t tell him that my views have evolved or that they might change between now and 100 because they won’t ever go where he hopes and I had no interest in continuing discussing theology with him.
****
It does feel a little bit like I jumped out of the plane without checking to see if my chute was properly packed.
Feels a lot like I am free falling and it won’t be long before I figure out if I have to develop wings or if I get to float gently back to earth.
Cue music and fade to black.
