I’ll probably remember July 22, 2020 as being a day I would rather forget. It was like a bad movie with a series of events that made me less than happy.
There was the joy of a stomach cramp that had me white knuckling it a bit and punching a few things because it felt better.
There were some rough interpersonal encounters and an edge in my voice that people who love me know as the time to walk away or better yet let me walk to catch some air.
It is hard not to wonder if there is some odd, bizarre connection with the time of year and the anniversary of dad’s last week.
There shouldn’t be.
If anything it should be coincidence or just the weight of the time and nothing more.
Kind of doesn’t matter the how or why because the is trumps all.
Dad is gone and he isn’t coming back.
His granddaughter is turning 16 tomorrow and I need to make sure she sees me smile and celebrate her because she is here and he is not.
Dad would yell at me for doing anything else so we are aligned on this and what is, but between you and me I’ll still have my moment.
I’d Tell You Everything
Given the chance I’d tell you everything and walk through that garden.
I’d take a chance and speak which is funny because more people said I say nothing and asked if I know how to use more than three words in a sentence.
It is funny ‘cuz I can hear Dad call me ‘motormouth’ and I can picture us sitting with Grandpa in the backyard, not one of us speaking.
Still seems strange that it is just me now and that as I reconnect with the other Wilner men it is me speaking 0n behalf of us.
When you are a kid you assume your parents know everything about anything, including family.
I know better now. Know what it means to have met someone once at your wedding or some odd family event never to see them again.
So when the kids ask about Cousin David Ovich it is possible that mom or dad doesn’t know much because Ovich is that guy they met once.
Anyhoo, as my cousins and I reconnect it is pretty clear that I easily know as much if not more than mom and my sisters.
It makes sense to me, not really a big deal.
And now a music break courtesy of my iTunes.
Or if you prefer you can do one of the the Ally Mcbeal versions like that last link or this one.
Anyhoo, I had a theme for this post and the other ones elsewhere but a certain girl exploded onto the scene and demanded her dad’s attention.
“You know what time it is?”
“Time to go to bed?”
“No, it is 16 time!”
Got to give her credit, she made me smile and I had a good time asking her if she wanted to look outside to see what is there.
She gave me a huge smile, shook her head and told me she knew better.
She is right, there isn’t a car for her but it was fun to see her smile and made an awful day better.
Am I A Or The Wolf?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Depends on your perspective and the direction you want to take it.
It is too bad Dad isn’t here to see the smile his youngest granddaughter just flashed or maybe it is a good thing because he would have given her every last dollar if she asked.
It is too bad he isn’t here to listen to me lay out the facts of a particular situation and give me his thoughts.
But then again he looked me in the eye and told me it is part of the cycle.
“I am over 70 and there have been moments when I thought my dad might have a better answer or idea than I do but he isn’t here so it is me.”
I can still see his expression and hear his voice.
And so in the depths of great joy there is still grief that I’ll let take me tonight and maybe tomorrow will be easier
Maybe the words of some of which moves me will help or maybe I’ll speak about other things and share that which I haven’t,
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
Someone tell that guy that his oldest wouldn’t complain if he were to show up for a few.
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