The man asks me if I think relentlessly pounding upon people will have any impact other than making people tune me out and I laugh.
“Some will, but others won’t be able to. They aren’t ready to admit the cracks that are forming. The lies we tell ourselves don’t last.
Sooner or later you admit you need to drop some weight, that your kids are old enough for you not to fight to stay in an unhappy marriage or that you voted for an incompetent and horrible human being.
I am not going away and those that can’t deal will hide.”
Cue the new cover of childhood memories
The Story Will Suck You In
One day I need to sit down and have a discussion about this because the story will suck you in and things will make sense.
It might not make a damn difference in the long run but then again it might.
Might be one of those conversations where people shake their heads and wonder in amazement about how things from the past apply to the present/future.
Or it might be one where you see how it once fit and you smile about what once was but without context it won’t make sense.
So I’ll put on some music while I write and consider whether I’ll say anymore about this idea that in some ways feels as strong as anything I have ever known while knowing if I focus too hard upon it will run away like squeezing water in the palm of your hand.
And maybe I’ll watch one more clip because it ties in with this particular thought and then hold onto the idea while not squeezing as best I can.
I was so young and now so old yet not so young nor old at all.
****
Most weekends I do my best to turn off my brain and do as little ‘work’ as possible because during the week I put ample time in.
Couldn’t do it this weekend because way too much is going on. Been riding a monster bull that has thrown me more than once and tried to stomp and gore me.
Thanks to hard work, luck and some help I have managed not to let it trample me, but just barely.
Today I couldn’t avoid it so I put some time in and found a way to punch that beast in the mouth more than once.
I think it helped and that I have managed to force it to respect me just a little bit, but I have paid for it.
I have taken a beating and I know this not just by the way my body feels but from the look on my face.
It is a tired reflection but if I have accomplished what I think I have it will be worth it or so I hope.
Logic and reason suggest that I have but only time will tell if my feeling is connected to reality.
The good news is there are numbers I can look at that tell a particular story that supports my idea and for that I am grateful.
For the moment there is a giant number 1 next to my name and I’ll do my best to maintain it for a bit.
I don’t need it there forever but I do need it for a little while longer to prove a point to me first and to others second.
If things go as I have worked so very hard for I will have restored and recovered that which I lost a while back.
Time will tell.
We all have to find the music that moves us from one place to the next and it doesn’t have to be one type or one musician/band.
But we do have to find the song of our heart and the one that stirs our souls to that we find the energy to keep going when we can’t quite feel the warmth of the sun upon our backs.
It is the magic of connection and union that we tap into and sometimes if you we are very lucky we find the people and places that help us hear even when the sound is muted and or the speakers non existent.
And sometimes something happens that makes us plug our ears or forget what it is we have been listening too.
Sometimes it is because we fear change and the lies we tell ourselves drown it out a bit, but eventually it comes back.
Eventually we hear that siren song and we follow it but those are tales for a different time and a different day.
