He said anyone who wished for anyone other than a man whose name rhymes with rump to be president was a fool and I told him only a cultist would say such a thing.
“I can see you are not very smart nor wise and that a person like you ought to be bent over the couch and had some sense beaten in him.”
I told him if he took his clogs off I would beat him over the head with them and that if he was lucky his wife wouldn’t ask me to bend her over the couch…again.
Catch me at the right moment when the words flow freely and I am feeling saucy and all sorts of things are possible, especially if you choose to poke the bear.
While I have gotten to be more like dad and am more likely to roll my eyes at you because I know you’re not in my league there are moments when I will take off my shirt and race headfirst into that nazi bar ready dole out some enlightenment.
Turn on the music, close your eyes and do a deep dive into the past week.
Been thinking about my cousin David, who died earlier this week and a trip we took all over Israel 35 years ago.
Been thinking about how the feelings of loss blindsided me yesterday and how I have opened myself up and gotten nothing out of some of it but a kick in the balls and a bat to the mouth.
Sometime that is what you have to do, plant your feet and take the blows for a little bit while pushing forwards.
There are big doings and big changes going on round these parts.
Some people tried to take my hand and I pulled it away and offered it to others and watched them stare at it.
We’re off the beaten path and riding Into The Mystic and there are no maps or guidebooks for this point and place we are at. It is an all instinct trip into a place we cannot see.
Reminds me a bit of an old field near the home I grew up in where some old cars had been ditched.
One of my oldest friends and I would ride our bikes over to the shells and test our strength by trying to roll the frames over.
Took some doing for 12 year-old boys, but we put our backs into it and gradually figured out how to rock it back and forth until we bounced it up and over.
This moment in time reminds me a little bit of then, but only a little bit because today I feel a tremendous weight upon my shoulders.
Today I can I feel myself rocking things back and forth but the boulder I am trying to dislodge may yet roll backwards and over me. Won’t ask for help here because it has to be offered without my request, but if it comes I will accept.
And if it doesn’t,well I guess I’ll either figure out how to move that thing forwards or do my damnedest to duck, dive and or dodge.
Got a big moment ahead of me tomorrow and I am kind of wound up about it and yet kind of confident too because I have been rocking that boulder back and forth for a while now.
If I had my druthers I’d move things to right this now and take my shot because I am ready now and I might not feel the same way tomorrow.
****
Remembered a moment from some years back where I met a guy who was supposedly a rival. Tall and skinny with little hands that felt feminine to me.
He looked down at me with an expression that approached disdain and I gave him a half smile knowing if I put the slightest effort into squeezing those little man hands would crumble.
We took each others measure and I knew if I took the clogs off his little feet and smacked him it would be done.
Made me laugh a bit because I was supposedly well past the age when mature men thought this way or maybe I was misinformed about it.
Maybe it happened later in life or not at all or maybe I just wasn’t mature.
Who knows, some people had called me worse and maybe I was but I didn’t think or feel so.
There are people online who maintain we are approaching the end of the world and that the signs reveal the time is at hand.
I don’t believe in their mythology and don’t get caught up in their dreams of fire and brimstone.
Haven’t seen the Ghostbusters fighting Zul and frankly if they were doing so you can rest assured I’d be there to help them cross the streams.
But I have read more than a few accounts of the end of life as told by health professionals who couldn’t save victims of Covid-19.
It is always a sad tale about someone who died alone and without family by their side.
In some cases there is a variation in which they got to listen to their loved ones say goodbye over a telephone or radio, but they were still alone.
I have thought about this quite a bit and gone through the memories of dad at the hospice.
Even though he was surrounded by family I have wondered if he felt alone because he knew he was going somewhere we had never been and no one could tell him what it would be like.
Depending on who you are that might make you feel very lonely or you might have a certain amount of excitement and anticipation.
****
Sometimes when I see these proclamations of end times I think about what I would want to say and do if I knew for certain the sand was running out my glass.
Would I open my mouth and speak freely in public places or would I simply smile and hold onto it all.
I think it depends on circumstances, I could see myself going either direction.
But what do I know about inappropriate thoughts and dirty deeds other than it always lays in the eyes of the beholder.
