Ask me if I am middle aged and I’ll tell you “not quite” and then ask if I am tired from being on the road 14 of the last 28 days and I’ll nod my head.
Not that you need to see me nod my head because my face will make it clear that I am leaning closer to exhausted and less than Thumper, the rabbit.
Got way too much on my plate right now and not enough support to roll as I would prefer but the boy inside refuses to give up and is hard charging towards the beach.
Or at least doing some semblance of it…even if it is more of a lumbering motion.
Got to blow through this post so that I can shut the ‘puter down and hit the Apple store while the warranty is still good and hope they can fix this thing in a reasonable amount of time.
Really don’t want to do it today, really don’t have time but the echo of my father’s voice about doing things when you have the opportunity reminds me it is ‘go time.’
Better to just get it done.
Got this strange sense that Mr. Toad has taken control of the wheel and that I better strap on and strap in.
This moment is how I know I am not who I used to be and more than ever who I am because it enrages me to feel like I am getting beaten up by invisible men and creatures.
Infuriates me that my body won’t respond as it once did but something about the challenge of fighting the clock motivates me to find solutions and alternatives.
So I am and so I will.
Truth is in many ways things haven’t looked this rosy in forever and that if I can hang on I’ll get beyond the nicks, scrapes and bruises of a rough learning curve, but it is not easy
Not easy because I am less tolerant and less patient than I once but in the great contradiction of life I am more determined and focused than ever.
Don’t ask me to explain that because I’ll say ‘fuck if I know’ and then make a few references about Johnny and June that won’t make sense to most.
Got all sorts of different music flowing through the headphones but if you want what is driving this now you can click here.
I typically pick Marvel over DC but the Nolan Batman movie trilogies always speak to me and so does the music.
Been thinking again about how much I love movies and how it all ties into great stories.
Been thinking about hopes, dreams and plans and about how sometimes life forces you to go a different way.
How some plans are useless and it doesn’t matter how hard you try because force of will isn’t enough to change things.
And then I remember how some of the changes that were forced upon us have provided a deluge of disappointment and dismay.
There has been destruction and disaster.
But the daylight has always come and there has always been something worth celebrating.
That is not easy because some of it comes with situations and circumstances in which you struggle to find that silver lining.
Death does that as you struggle to reconcile how good people can die young or at a younger age than you think they deserve.
But I have learned to find it because otherwise I sit in the darkness and get lost. Better to embrace it and come out of the other side.
So I’ll only drink the poison for a while and then I’ll say I have had enough and leave.
Not everyone walks the whole way with us and not everyone deserves to hold or be given our hand. I don’t offer it easily for good reason and neither should others.
But I don’t keep my hands in fire without good reason either because there is no point in burning for naught.
Ain’t life peachy.
