Take Me To Scary Lake

Those kids from cleveland had stories to share and lots of questions to ask but some of that history blurs a little bit inside my head.

You could say attribute it to the time between 1990 and now or you could say some Clevelanders made a limited impression upon me.

Either one could work and maybe both are true just as it may be true that I made no impression upon them.

Not that it is of tremendous import to me as I am in the midst of packing…again.

Or maybe it is more accurate to say I stopped packing to think about those kids who said they were from the heights and or told me about the Akron-Cleveland area.

They asked if I had ever been and I said I had driven through Ohio and spent the night in Columbus.

Ohio & Destiny

Had a moment once upon a different life with a girl who told me my destiny was tied to Ohio to which I replied, “and your soul is tied to Los Angeles.”

She told me I was crazy to think anyone liked it and I said her brain was short circuiting because of smoke from the burning river.

So we insulted each other a few more times and I said it was proof she was in love with me and would be forever.

She made some other cracks and I made a few more and suggested she not make me ignore her because when you have 19k sisters you get pretty good at it,

Anyhoo, I shared that story with someone else a while back and they asked me how old I was when this happened and I said younger than 60 and they thanked me for being a jerk.

“You’re welcome and you know better than to expect me to just give up the goods. It is fair to say there are moments talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean I share details, or should I say interesting details.”

Sometimes I think about that conversation and wonder why I didn’t use the word salacious in it. I could have submitted to the urge and talked about destiny some more, but I didn’t.

His First Time

The kid whose hands and feet are almost identical twins of mine watched The Godfather with me tonight.

It was his first time seeing it complete and while he enjoyed it I don’t think he got as much enjoyment out of it as I did.

Could give you a list of reasons why that is so, but I am not in the mood for lengthy explanations so I’ll move to a related topic.

Every time I hear the theme it reminds me of when my daughter was tiny and how I would pick her up and dance around the room with her.

She doesn’t remember any of it.

Doesn’t remember holding her arms out and commanding to “twirl her” or how there were a few nights where that was the only way to get her to sleep.

Sometimes I ask her and she reminds me she has already answered that she doesn’t, but that she knows the story.

And then I am reminded about how much time has passed and how some things I remember with precision are vague, shadowy things that she kind of remembers.

That is ok with me, it is normal and natural but sometimes it feels strange.

What Is Important

Tonight was important to me because there are some movies that I want the kids to see. I want to share certain things with them that have meaning and significance even if they aren’t of critical import.

And it occurs to me how very close we are to the time when they will be living on their own and I’ll see them less frequently.

Given that I we have lived apart a few times we are all somewhat used to it, but there are moments where I hope that what I tried to give them has been worth it.

Moments where I think about how much time we missed spending with each other and I remind myself that I did it all for the right reasons.

It was always about setting up a better future for them and trying to provide a better life. That is a solid enough reason for me to be good with it all, but like I said, there are moments of doubt periodically.

I suppose the tick-tick-tick of the clock has amplified the sense of a a locomotive racing around the bend inside my head and that sensation magnifies the sense that time is slipping away.

These are not bad things, but it is surreal to think about where we were 10 years ago and where we are now.

Maybe we are sailing across scary lake and that is impacting it all or maybe it is something different.

Certainly this sense that time is racing at breakneck speed is a big part of all of this and maybe that is a good thing.

Maybe it help remind me to be present and aware of how fast it all goes, to try to suck as much life and experience as much as possible each day.

Life is a hell of a rush, now isn’t it.