Waiting for an email to show up is a little bit like watching a pot with the hope that your eyes will make it boil faster and perhaps just as effective.
Got a last minute invitation and tried to tee things up so I could slip away and go but that watched email trick didn’t work and so I didn’t go.
Came very close, but looked at the time and thought about the length of the commute and how I needed to go to the dry cleaners to pick up clothes before I board an upcoming flight and got lost.
Looked at a picture on my phone and muttered “I wanted to come” and promptly forgot about the dry cleaners just long enough for them to close.
So now I have an appointment on my calendar for tomorrow so that I have my favorite shirt for Sunday…assuming that they are open tomorrow, the cleaners that is.
Had a moment today where I thought about making like that guy in Baltimore, Jack, and going for a ride and never going back.
Pictured stepping on board a boat or plane and leaving the mess behind because it can be exhausting fighting the American Taliban.
Those Kool-Aid drinking drones and zombies show no tolerance for alternative ideas and no ability to consider the consequences.
But I am not known for giving up on things easily, especially when I am convinced I smell opportunity so I took a deep breath and asked myself if I have enough data to make an educated decision.
Decided I don’t, but that I could live with making a gut decision on this.
Stood under the black Texas night sky, whispered submit and set my will.
Now that all sounds good, but fuck if I can guarantee it will work. On the other hand you miss every shot you don’t take.
So sometimes you smile, say open wide like it is some sort of Jedi mind trick and go for it.
****
There is no greater joy than standing in the middle of one of those giant box stores and realizing your vision has deteriorated on the spot.
So you take a deep breath and start moving parts of your body as if you are listening to a silent Hokey-Pokey because you wonder if you had a stroke.
It is a bizarre moment, your limbs and extremities work, you are not short of breath and yet things are blurry.
And then it occurs you that your glasses are filthy and so you engage in a quick rub and discover your vision has improved.
That picture kind of resembles the past couple of days, granted they have not sent me face first into the floor but there are too many similarities for comfort.
Too many moments where I had to put my shoulder against the wheel and force it to spin. Too many moments of using brute strength to bull my way through things.
That is not a very effective way of getting things done and it is less sustainable than ever.
But the benefit of age and maturity is recognizing such things so that one can take steps to rectify things.
Problem solve and find or create a solution.
****
A recent email exchange has me wondering if I going to walk into a problem that I inadvertently created or if my actions set the stage for a solution.
Won’t know and can’t know until the moment of truth arrives and am trying not to waste energy wondering what the outcome will be.
It is a strange time.
Through the joy of Facebook I looked at a series of pictures of different people and commented on each.
“You kissed me first and you liked it…extra pepper in that pike.”
“You were a jerk but I ought to give you an opportunity to prove you aren’t any more.”
“Damn, I hope I don’t look as old as you do.”
“I have seen your sister naked.”
“That can’t be a recent picture, you are older than I am.”
“Sometimes you want to breathe your air.”
Pushed away the computer, grabbed the headphones and went to the gym wondering if there was a point to watching more of the debate.
Thought about how good getting into that car and going for that long ride sounded and wondered if I could get trapped on an island with the right person or people.
I feel big changes coming.
Can’t give you an exact timeline, but the crossroads are close and once we go beyond life will really get interesting.
Watch and see.
