Running under a moonless sky upon streets bathed in darkness is harder than it used to be and not because I can’t run as I once did nor see as I used to because in some ways I am better than ever.
The elephant herds run alongside and I am careful not to get too close because my physical presence alone isn’t enough to make them notice me during the charge.
But upon the cessation of movement among the stillness of the black I can command their attention and secure their partnership because shared memories survive.
And so they listen to a fragment of an unfinished thought and whisper their comments, suggestion and advice for the best pass forward.
Some people never know the moment.
Some people know the moment and lose it never to capture it again.
Some who lose it seek second chances because that is what has to be done.
And some just sit in silence and none can say what it is they think upon, about or remember
The second glass goes down as smoothly as the first and so I find myself standing in front of a full length mirror conducting a very honest self evaluation coupled with a knowing smile.
He will run through the trenches and cross into no-mans land, not as an agent of chaos but a provocateur of action.
When they ask what he thinks and why he will say he is smarter than they are and refuse to say another word.
He doesn’t just believe it, he knows it. He is smarter than they are and this is not something he says often or with any sort of regularity because it is immaterial and unnecessary.
“You can call me Batman or you can call me Johnny. Hell, call me Logan or Wolverine if you want.”
It is a ridiculous answer to the question and what and who I am but then again, I didn’t give much credence to the man asking me.
When I share the story with those who know me well they sarcastically respond with “I see you are making friends wherever you go again.”
There may be truth to it but there is truth in my lack of interest in continued subjugation of myself and who I really am.
Social niceties aren’t ignored but not easily followed when your operate too many chunks of life as is your everyday existence is a masquerade ball.
A fisherman throws out a few lines to see what sort of response I’ll give and I give an internal smile because I won’t take the bait on this hook.
I can still swim hard and fast but the fisherman has access to tools and resources I don’t so I refrain and restrain.
It is the smarter course of action as it leaves me with less exposure and more control but it is not easy because I want to test my will.
****
Flipping through old neighborhoods I don’t walk among I see one fellow has gotten divorced and remarried while a divorcee is announcing the death of her ex husband.
Both help remind me of how fragile some connections are and how very tenuous our grip upon the world is.
It is another reminder to not wait forever to make changes or to take chances because someday may never come.
The elephants confirm this belief and nod in assent. Compliance with social constructs and wearing a sweater because others are cold doesn’t lead to a road with a proper finish line.
I had intended to integrate the headline into the post in a creative and thoughtful way but I fell short and simply forgot to do it.
Blame it on six flights and the ensuing chaos as I prepare to leave again. Blame that same chaos for forgetting to refill a prescription and for exhaustion.
Blame it for making my mind operate at hyper speed with less efficiency but a higher rate of activity than many.
Have I lost a step?
Maybe yes and maybe no.
The gym workouts aren’t yielding the kind of results I want in some areas but others respond as if they haven’t a clue about our real age.
Some parts need additional help and or research to determine what their true status is. Call it exciting and troubling all at the same damn time.
Talking heads tell me to take it low and slow so that I can get back to where I wish to be and yet I wonder about outcomes if I hit those walls hard enough.
Maybe it is not a short cut.
Maybe it is working smarter and not harder.
Sometimes I think about the ride from Texas to California in 2013 and what I left behind and sometimes I think about same ride the opposite direction in 2016 and what I eventually gained.
People shared their thoughts and expectations and I did what I thought was right and best, more or less.
Can’t go back, but sometimes I wonder if I did if I could have saved a life or at least significantly changed it.
Doesn’t matter, it is just another day of throwing mud at the wall to see what sticks while hanging with Jericho & The Macallan 12.
