Walked into the gym still feeling like I needed to throw iron around because the long fuse had been lit and the fire was raging.
Went over the internal list of those who had done me wrong and heard someone say all this anger was like drinking poison, shrugged my shoulders and took a long gulp.
Some days you know you have to spit some days you swallow.
Today I looked at the reflection, watched his face and knew we could tear walls down with our/my bare hands.
Wondered how far I could throw a 25 pound dumbbell and answered my own question with a grunt that I understood as “far enough.”
Didn’t do it because said grunt answered the question and there is no need to spend cash fixing something that would inevitably broken and caused unnecessary trouble.
Sometimes knowing you can do something while not doing it is enough.
Retreat Into Silence
Cue music and go deep inside my own head wondering what some people see and what they don’t. Do they say “I see that you are busy” and recognize signs or go a different direction.
Doesn’t matter much to me at the moment because I am fired up and preparing to pound my fists against the heavy bag until I can’t swing anymore or the bag breaks.
And if my fists give out, well I’ll wrap them more tightly and go again. Go again because I can feel the change on the wind and know that if I keep pushing forward I am going to break through to the other side.
This new opportunity is begging me to go hard and take it to the proverbial next level. Been a more than a decade since I had an opportunity like this and the pump is primed.
But the thing is the only place I am talking about any of this is here because I have intentionally retreated into silence.
It is the preparation for the metamorphosis and the understanding of how much it is going to take to get over that hump.
I want to say some of it is age related and that it would be easier if I were younger but I don’t believe it to be true.
This is a mental grind and though physically I had more before it is not the case for the mental and emotional side.
I am 33 and 1/3rd tougher than back then and I am going to need every bit of it, the prize won’t be given, it has to be taken.
It has to be earned and this coming time will illustrate whether I really have figured it out or not in simple order.
So buckle up boys and girls, we are about to go for a ride.
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