Got Johnny singing Hurt on the headphones trying to ignore the raucous party next door.
Just me at dining room table, teenager in the other room and another 1,500 miles away. Just another night spent alone, holding the scissors, sharpening them so they won’t require me to squeeze hard.
Spent the latter part of my twenties and all of my thirties and forties holding tight, time to loosen and let go of that grip.
Been saying it would happen and made it clear it was a promise that wasn’t made in vain.
It is hard to pin me down or push me if I don’t want those things to happen but if you try hard enough you can make it happen.
And so I feel my feet slipping but don’t have the desire to shift position to stop the slide or to step to the side.
If I fall, I fall.
Got James Taylor singing Fire & Rain and echoes of dad telling me not to paint myself into a corner.
Can hear myself tell him I know how to paint the corner and not box myself in and can see him make the face.
Time passes and we have the discussion again and I explain painting the corner means I know exactly what I am doing/saying or at least I think I have enough of of a handle to manage it.
He doesn’t make the face, tells me he might handle things differently but makes it clear even if I don’t have his full blessing he trusts me.
That’s about as good as it gets.
****
I have watched Rich Eisen’s farewell a bunch of times and it always catches me how he talks about a world he never knew about because he was caught in his world.
That was me.
I didn’t think real long or hard about what it would be like to join this club, even when I knew it was imminent.
And if I had I don’t think I would have understood it, but I do now. And though I suspect Rich Eisen and I might have multiple things we could talk about and maybe share in common, it is confirmed now.
Now he is part of the club and that alone…
Hard Stop
We haven’t lit the candles yet and I have wondered if that teenage boy has forgotten or if he recognizes that we’re not operating on regular hours.
Maybe he is as distracted as I am but for different reasons.
I registered for TSA Precheck and spent a chunk of time making sure I updated profile information where necessary.
Took time to review a bunch of upcoming flights so that I can start making lists of what I need and trying to figure out schedules.
Dove into significant amounts of reading material and did my best to start absorbing it because my comprehension and ability to apply said information will make a significant difference on some future endeavors.
And in between it all I hear the tolling of a different set of bells and the ticking of a clock. I am going to find out about the truth of what happens when you close one door.
Will another open or will there be nothing but the sound of footsteps?
Don’t know, but I am going to learn.
That is what happens when you make the hard stop.
