Hanging out with Roy and thinking about a hell of a day in which almost nothing feels real.
Standing in a market next to a young boy who grabs a sample and says “I taste good” to which I mutter “me too” as I wander the aisles looking for my own necessities.
The cooking shows seem to run nonstop in the house and at times I get tired of listening to the 10,000 voices talk about the best way to do this and that.
Music moves to the Traveling Wilburys and I smile because there will come a time when it is understood in different terms.
Echoes flow through me and I remember dad pouring through cookbooks and magazines.
Every now and then people accuse me of not knowing how to cook or having limited taste and I laugh because I am very comfortable in the kitchen and in restaurants.
I grew up in a house in which lots of different things were cooked and served and lived in one of the most diverse cities of the world so I got to experience a wide variety of cuisines giving me the experience to say I know what I like.
A few minutes before 11 PM Central my phone buzzes and I am connected with the smiling faces of a half dozen fraternity brothers.
“Wilner, we need you for the picture.”
I smile, exchange a few words and participate in the picture through the wonders of modern technology.
We pledged together 32 years ago but I have known most of the guys since junior high and or high school which means we really have seen each other grow up.
Were I back in Los Angeles I would absolutely be at the Turkey Dinner with the other alumni and the actives.
The oldest actives think they understand that some of the friendships they make in the house will last for a while but they don’t know that really means yet.
The position I have now is because a different brother heard I was looking for work a number of years ago and helped me get the interview.
A chunk of years and three position later I sit here in Texas telling whomever reads this the same thing I tell the actives, the stuff you do during your four years is fun but what really sticks out are the decades as alum and the things you do together after you graduate.
Looking back upon the Turkey dinners I attended I remember talking to a younger guy who wanted to know how you figure who to marry.
I tell him there are people you like and people you love and that if you are lucky you find both in the same person.
“Some people make lists of pros and cons because they think it will help make an educated decision. I understand that and do it in some cases, but I don’t know if it really works with people.”
He nods and I tell him the question to me is if I can spend time with someone. Can I sit with them in quiet and can I tell them what I really think.
What happens when they piss me off or when I piss them off?
If you always find your way back that means something. You can figure the rest of the stuff out as you go, there aren’t too many real deal breakers.
Usually it is a collection of a thousand paper cuts that kill it, so the question is how do you handle those.
Some people find Sparks to be trite and or common but I look at his quote as having a certain value you can’t get without experience.
Maybe it is because I have lived, loved and lost a little bit. Maybe that is enough to help me not get lost in the bright and shiny objects.
I haven’t any problem looking at people and saying if it makes them feel good to believe certain things they can while following up with a question.
“If what you think is true is it a real problem or is it an excuse?”
Sometimes it is a real problem and sometimes it is an excuse to not explore things and we often don’t recognize what it is without thinking about it.
I don’t think I understood that real well when I was a little younger. If you pissed me off that was enough and I was often ready to say goodbye.
Unless you were in a very small club goodbye was a likely outcome because I saw no reason to compromise on lots of things.
The funny thing is that now I am far more willing to compromise about much that I wouldn’t back then because it is nonsense.
What do I care about a bunch of these things that I wouldn’t compromise on back then?
Not much. Didn’t really care then, but for some reason I wanted to make issues of them.
Now I look at that and figure if it makes someone happy and doesn’t really bother me what does it matter.
If they can compromise on the stuff that is important to me that works and if they can’t well that is a different blog post now isn’t it.