You can blame U2 for making me a Johnny Cash fan. Something about this song pushed me to dig into his music and the rest is history.
Move onto a different song and listen to the others knowing they’re going to send a million different thoughts through my head.
Finding it hard to keep my thoughts on the present because the past keeps intruding upon them, pushing me to reconcile things I had thought handled.
Maybe I ought to hang with Bruce and do a better job of Waiting On A Sunny Day, but I won’t.
Going to stick my hands in the fire until I master my domain or scream, so cue I am Not Gonna Miss You and keep reading or toss this aside cuz it is too damn hard.
The man who left Los Angeles for Texas didn’t come back but then again the guy who left Texas for Los Angeles wasn’t really the same either.
That is the sort of convoluted and contradictory statement that only a few people could understand and even then it is questionable if they would really get it.
And that’s ok, I manage just fine.
***
Daughter tells me she had a conversation with a friend about whether she could ever have green eyes.
Said friend said it wouldn’t happen and daughter told her it is possible because dear old dad has some green in his eyes.
Made me smile and reminded me how old she really is and how much closer we are to the time when she intends to go off to college.
Still have a few years, but we’ll blink and she’ll be on to somewhere else and something new.
It is a bittersweet though.
***
Found a note from 2016 from when my parents moved into the old new place.
I asked dad if he had really thought about what it would be like to have to climb the stairs multiple times a day.
He said he had and that he and mom would live there for five or 10 years and then move.
I didn’t buy the 10 year part, but I thought five might happen…if the stairs didn’t wear him out.
Eventually they and a few other things did and they moved, took less than five years for it all to come about.
Think he got his pancreatic cancer diagnosis just before they moved which made it all more fun.
I remember telling dad there were better ways to add excitement to his life.
He agreed.
I am feeling unsettled and out of sorts, but sort of excited too.
Got way too much going on which is probably why I am feeling squirrely. The places I once counted upon as rocks in my life are for the most part no more.
Or if they exist they are geographically inconvenient.
Sometimes I think about renting my old apartment in Fort Worth because it is the place of some of my favorite memories.
I wonder if doing so would render good juju upon me or provide an empty shell of what once was.
If nothing else I figure it would present a great place to take pictures of a pretty sunset.
Might as well add the reason ordinary things become extraordinary is because of the memories we attach to them.
That is a good thing.
****
Put 25 minutes on the elliptical, some weights and almost 10k steps in tonight to try and take the edge off but I am not sure it worked well.
Cobbled together this ragged post of woe is me to see if that would provide assistance to whatever aid the exercise produced and determined it had mixed results.
So now I go to read and consider the thoughts one considers at this time of evening and to see if it provides clarity.
Got this strange urge to smoke a pipe and think on things, but I won’t. Haven’t ever smoked a pipe and don’t own one so that remains an idea that probably won’t move from thought to action.
Ain’t life a hoot.
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
A Midsummer Night’s Dream-William Shakespeare
