Monday morning began with a mutiny of the household technology so I put on my headphones, turned on an appropriate Willie Nelson song and began wrestling with devices.
Muttered curses and promises to do terrible things with a hammer didn’t work so Willie and I moved onto a new song and I tried to sweet talk an unfeeling creature into connecting to the WiFi.
When that didn’t work I called tech support and tried to be polite but circumstances got the better of me and I told the guy on the other end I was certain the software engineer who developed this buggy nonsense was divorced.
“Hell, that is assuming that jackass was smart enough to know where to sign. Probably didn’t probably paying alimony until the end of time because he is an idiot.”
“Sir, I understand you are angry, but I am not clear what is relevant here.”
“We have been on the phone long enough for me to think I should spend a $100 on a new printer and be certain it is not an HP. WTF, it shouldn’t be this hard.”
When the call ended I looked at dad’s picture and smiled, “well you did it old man, you turned me into you. Did you like how I brought out my inner Orrie.”
“Tomorrow could be a big day for the Wilner men, young and not quite middle aged. There are big doings around here, so if you can hear me and are capable of sending some good Juju out our way do it.
I can only say ‘you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders so many times’ and clearly my own patience is wearing thin.”
There was no answer but I took his silence as acceptance and affirmation.
Moved on to Elvis and listened to a couple before moving on to other more pressing issues.
“Stay busy Josh, keep your mind occupied.”
****
Neither one of the children wanted to hit the gym with me tonight and I alternated between disappointment and appreciation that time was going to be my own.
I remember being a teen and wanting my parents around solely on my terms. Sometimes it is hard to accept some of the changes because I know how fast the rest of this is going to go.
The time will come soon enough and we may not live in the same city or state again. Or maybe we will, it is hard to predict with great accuracy.
But clearly the time in which we share housing is closer to the end than the beginning and that is not a bad thing.
It is a little strange though to think I am going to be given more freedom to focus again on personal goals and dreams.
Choices were always made with them in the forefront and now some choices will come in which they no longer receive the same attention as before.
That is not to say I’ll ignore them, but they are old enough that I can adjust the focus a little bit.
Some of my friends are beginning to talk not just about retirement but about becoming grandparents.
It is surreal to hear and then I think about the mix of people who are voicing these thoughts and it changes.
That is because there is an age range that makes it more appropriate, the guys who are in their late fifties or early sixties aren’t old but they are older than me.
Still I know a few contemporaries who have grand kids, some through second marriages and some because their kids got married young or had them young.
The benefit of those that had them young is my kids have had first hand experience about why they want to be cautious about not crossing some lines before they are truly ready.
****
Been thinking again at length about life and life spans and what I want for me.
I have lots of reasons why I expect to outlive my father but if I didn’t ask what would happen if all I get is as long as he got I wouldn’t be me.
What if I only have 25 more years?
Do I want to live as I am and do as I do?
If the answer is no the pressing question is what changes do I want to make
I have thoughts about these things and some prospective answers which I won’t share here but I will say this.
My intention and deep belief is I will be around for another 50 at least but there are no guarantees. So at some point I am going to have to make some choices.
Epilogue
A month or so ago my Israel Bonds rep told me about a speaker that is coming to Texas that I am very interested in hearing.
I did some research online and found a video of the speaker talking about how a Jew might be the son of Nazi and listened to it with my son.
It is a fascinating story and I am looking forward to seeing him in person but for those who can’t make it I encourage you to click on the link and watch the video.
And now I must go do battle with technology again, I have installed new firmware and want to see if that works.
Someone thank my dad the Virgo for this particular obsession with order and fixing things. I won’t make his 10,000 lists, but I will focus on these things for however long it takes to fix it.
Good thing I took a nap.
