Work began on the Tales of Johnny & June’s Notebook more than a handful of years ago and the story has taken more than a few twists and turns.
I could couch the tale in an August story of 45 but that would require more time than I have at this particular moment so we’ll save it for those who need to know and keep it from those who do not.
So set our caps at a jaunty angle and travel back in time to listen to music that tells a story and moves us in a particular direction.
It is the road not taken that feeds the fire and moves the motion to step into the unknown.
Had a conversation about adversity and how people handle it and said I have learned to do more than dance in the fire…I can hold still and walk.
Was asked if I could elaborate and said I can be unconventional and am willing to push the needle to make things happen.
“If you stand in my way I may not see you as anything more than an obstacle to be moved, knocked down or run through. Sometimes I will act and ask for forgiveness afterwards.
It is usually not reckless, thought has been given and if possible things have been measured twice so they may be cut once.”
Don’t know if this was understood as bravado or taken at face value but hope for the latter.
It wasn’t intended to be seen as anything other than a transparent explanation for who I am and what you get with me.
I prefer to be very obvious about who and what I am, got no time for games.
****
Got word that one of my oldest friends will be here for work in a few weeks and am looking forward to seeing him.
It was hard seeing people in LA and that has been magnified by being 1,500 miles away. Got to make time for the people who knew you when and have stuck around to know you now.
****
Back in the realm of reason and writing the musical mystery tour continues and we hear the fighter’s anger and shame even though he still remains.
One of the dreams from last night has stayed with me all damn day long.
Mom and I are somewhere at some kind of function and I am telling her about some of the recent events when I feel eyes upon me.
Dad is to my right, except he looks like he did in his twenties except I know that he is some sort of spirit.
I don’t say anything to mom because I don’t want to upset her so I stare at him and he looks at me. I can feel us exchange information and I think about how this answers a question.
I have always wondered if he came to visit what he would look like, if he would pick what he looked like in the last 10 or 15 years or something else.
Some hours later I’ll stand in a room with his Wilner grandchildren and my own son and I will exchange a look and start laughing because we shared a moment.
Others will wonder why we are laughing but I won’t explain because there are no words.
In that moment I’ll think about dad and remember the dream and wonder if I tried to go sleep right then if he would show up again.
But I don’t figuring if he wants to visit he’ll find time– I am not chasing people, spirit or otherwise. Those who want to spend time will and those who don’t will miss out.
Something about the moment reminds me of a conversation I must have had about 30 years ago with Uncle Mark.
Can’t quite pull the fragment out so I move to music again to see if that thread provides clarity.
I can see us walking through San Francisco, hear his voice and see some of these moments from a perspective I couldn’t have had back then.
Reminds me again to be grateful for the time we had but sorry we didn’t get some when my life experience had caught up a bit with his.
Got such a big week coming up, lots of possibilities and opportunities that may impact everything and yet may not do much of anything.
Told someone to remember that if threads get cut it wasn’t because I walk around holding scissors. It was because they were given to me.
****
Maybe that notebook will have this song and a story behind it or maybe not.
You never know what can happen or whether the words that thread the needle will be part of a multilayered tapestry that one has to look at multiple times to understand and appreciated.
Notebooks are funny that way, sometimes they are filled with 10,000 letters and sometimes nothing more than 10 words.
