Some of you have made the mistake of expecting me to be as I was 32 years ago.
Others have assumed if they adopted a smarmy condescending attitude and through a metric ton of bullshit at me I wouldn’t be to clear my eyes long enough to look at things with clarity.
It reminds me of this scene with me playing Tom Cruise and the other as Nicholson.
Don’t mistake that for me trying to indulge a desire or need to be a white knight for that is not how I see myself
Don’t really see myself as a black knight either as I am really more of a guy who glides between the shadows, center and edges adopting positions as dictated by need or gut feel.
It is why I have long considered myself an independent from a political standpoint. I am often an outsider looking in and someone who when necessary will ask for forgiveness after I have taken action.
There was a time when I was more willing to engage with those who hold extreme positions as I thought there might be an opportunity to use fact, reason and logic to move them but I grow less inclined to try this day by day.
Primarily because too many have adopted positions that are so far removed from reality you cannot have rational conversation.
So why bother.
I walked away from a conversation today scratching my head wondering if I was the only one who felt like things were strained or if it was just me.
Walked away and reminded myself if you aren’t clairv0yant you cannot know what another thinks or why they behave in a certain way.
Sometimes your understanding and interpretation of the other bears no resemblance to reality. I would have preferred to have asked for clarification but I wasn’t optimistic that I would get a thoughtful answer and didn’t want something rushed.
So I walked away and thought how the old man would have interpreted things. He was pretty good at this kind of thing and I generally felt like his advice in this area remained solid.
It wasn’t hard to figure out what he would have said and though there are plenty of areas in which he could still surprise me, I don’t think it applies here.
Chalk this up as an irritating moment and know some relationships have a shelf life and this one won’t carry forever.
It made and makes sense and if it turns out I am wrong, well I’ll deal with that if the time comes.
Six hours later I am ok with my decision and open to another possibility, that I played this perfectly and will be rewarded.
Never know, only time will tell.
Three years and a few weeks the surgeon opened me up to repair a single hernia and discovered a second one so he fixed that too.
Within two weeks of the surgery I did my best to follow his instructions and drove back to Texas.
It was a very challenging and in many ways lonely time.
Had so many balls in the air and unanswered questions I wasn’t sure which way to turn but I did my best to keep pushing forward figuring it would fall into place if I helped make it happen.
I can’t tell you if that is when I confirmed embers of a flame had come back to life or if it happened before.
Can’t say it didn’t happen afterwards either but I know that what had slumbered was rousted from rest and felt it begin to stir.
It is only a matter of time before it will require more and that is cool with me. I’ll do my best to roll with it and not look back.
My best guess is five years from now things will look pretty damn different.
