They told me they were an engineer and a lawyer with degrees from some of the best schools and asked how I would respond to that.
“He is six foot something of idiot and you are 142 pounds of mutton head. If I gave either of you an ounce of common sense and a half point more of IQ you’d be contenders for the head of the Dung eaters club but that would be a stretch.”
They glared at me and the lanky one stretched to his full height and sputtered some nonsensical response.
“At best you are about 6’1 which means you’re really not particularly tall and given the few inches you have on me there is not much there. No one ever asks me if I stole Mike Tyson’s voice nor do they tell me my hands and feet are particularly small for a guy my size.
Step back before your head snaps your neck.”
He scrunched up his face and tried to figure out a smart response and I laid into his shorter friend with the crazy eyes and goofy smile.
“Why don’t you take dopey and go for a walk so the two of you can figure out whether you have anything of substance to share or if you’re going to continue to embarrass yourselves by muttering and sputtering opinion you claim as fact but can’t support.”
A woman who aggravated me but claimed I aggravated her more once gave me a laundry list of reasons why I was a problem child.
Since I was feeling particularly ornery I told her I faked every moment in bed.
She said that was impossible and I reiterated my claim with enough authority that she didn’t know what to say.
BTW, if you are family or squeamish this is the time where you ought to stop reading because I am just getting warmed up and it is possible you won’t like what you read.
“I know for certain that is not true. I am not an idiot.”
“It is true and I faked almost every time. It is why I carry a jar of Mayo with me and sometimes use two hands. I am far better with said hands than you can imagine.”
She told me that was both impossible and ridiculous.
“Nope, you remember that one time in the car when I said let’s put the seat back a little bit? That was so I could grab the jar and I figured if the cops showed up I would tell him/her I was teaching how to make a proper ham sandwich.
Fortunately they didn’t show because I forgot the bread.”
****
Let’s switch gears and take a slightly different tack.
I have spent a chunk of time engaged online and in person with people of differing beliefs in which I have discussed politics, antisemitism and legitimate criticism of Israel.
More than a few have called me names, accused me of a series of misdeeds, suggested I find a gas chamber and or encouraged me to do something I am not flexible enough to do, assuming such a thing is anatomically possible.
I go through cycles where I do quite a bit of this and cycles where I do almost none.
Most of the time when I venture into the darker corners it is because I want to shine light on the intentional mischaracterization of truth and the distortion of reality.
It is because I think there are some folks who are undecided and who can be swayed to stay away from the dark side if they are given a logical and reasonable alternative.
If we are talking about Israel I share a few facts, acknowledge every country ought to be criticized and talk about the need for fair and balanced.
When it comes to the wannabe mobster in the White House I point out the lies and distortions and ask why he always demands a binary choice of us or them.
If we are all Americans and we are all supposed to be rowing the same direction we ought to have leadership that doesn’t need to demonize the other.
We don’t have to all agree, but we should feel like we are all trying to make things better. If the only way you can motivate others to support you is through fear well than you really don’t have much substance to work with now do you.
Had more than a few conversations with people about the gun violence and lack of response from state and federal government.
More than a few have tried to sell me a bill of goods to support their positions and not have all have sorted out the fact versus fiction.
It can be exhausting and if all you do is sit on social media it can be overwhelming.
I have been tuning some of the noise out. I write my congressmen and make my calls and then I ignore the noise.
Been very aggressive in my response to people who insist on being part of the problem and have told others who want my help to go away.
Some have been aggressive in response.
That is ok, I get it but I always let them know if they keep it up they are going to get it too.
Eventually I’ll stop acknowledging them and they’ll be cut out or I’ll come back at them spitting blood and then I’ll cut them out.
Much as I like getting the last word I have come to appreciate the power of silence. I go dark and that is it.
Saves everyone time and exaggeration.
This time chaos is going to pass and while I don’t know exactly what it will look like I have confidence I’ll get to the other side.
And when we get there we’ll turn around and see who came along and what things look like. In the interim there is only so much poison to be swallowed.
