The Tick Tock Of The Cock

Listening to Johnny and thinking about something I did last week.

Sent out an email about partially formed idea and how it might be the kind of thing that could have an impact in a few areas.

Was pleasantly surprised to get a very positive response and have spent time doing research to share during the conversation that comes post email because I really want to get a chance to test this out.

Really want to find out if this idea of mine has as much potential and power as I suspect it might. It is kind of like moving in for a kiss you think could be pretty good.

Got reason to believe it is going to be something that makes you smile but you won’t know until it happens because you could end up with someone who is a reincarnated St. Bernard who thinks they ought to lick the side of your head until your cheek is chapped from it.

Or you could find the person you never expected to be a partner. You know the one that makes you feel a shock in your toes and you know life has just changed,

The Tick Tock

I feel like Captain Hook listening for the croc that took his hand. Feel like I am constantly aware of time and fighting to set that awareness aside and just live.

But there are these moments where things happen that remind me it is not so simple. Two weeks of life and two friends are widowers.

Both there wives have terminal illnesses that no one saw coming and though they fought hard they lost.

So did my dad and so did my old friend, he who departed this world 21 years ago today.

Twenty-one years ago is a mind boggling number to me because it is just long enough to reach back into the days of barely married and not yet a father.

We weren’t 30 yet and I played around with making some big changes because I wasn’t certain about where and how life was going.

I was talked out making those changes and I’ll never be able to be say with 100 percent certainty that doing so was right or wrong.

But if you asked me to say yea or nay at this moment the answer would be nay.

I made the wrong decision.

Change would have been easier in many ways than but that is the joy of looking backwards. It is always easy to use hindsight as a guide.

Since I can’t go back and there is no point in beating myself up for what I could have or should done I’ll keep pushing ahead.

Still I hear the clock and I feel it.

Parts of me don’t work as they once did or as I expect they should. Some work better than before, but damn this is hard,