The Communicating We Don’t Do

Got the Man Of Steel soundtrack playing on the fancy noise cancelling ear phones I bought years ago to help contend with a home office.

Only did two miles on the elliptical but today felt pretty damn good because I knew I could go harder and deeper for longer than before.

Kept pumping and for a brief time remembered what it was like to be in my twenties and had I not had other responsibilities I might still be on the damn machine.

Wore one of my old man’s white t-shirts and typed a biting response to a fool who wandered into a place he wasn’t invited.

Told him the communicating we don’t do is the one where honest people can meet in the middle. He accused me of fearing the truth and I laughed because I have wandered through the garden of honesty stark naked.

Ya know that place where you tell yourself how you really feel. “I don’t love her because I love her. I hate my job and am afraid to quit. If I knew how to not care about what people say I would campaign to have shrimp and cats banner forever etc.”

I Don’t Fear Dying

I don’t want to die any time soon because I have a lot of things I want to do. Got the usual bucket list and the of paramount importance “watching my kids grow older.”

But I don’t fear dying.

Don’t mistake that to mean that I am not concerned about how I die. Being eaten, burned or crushed alive are all at the top of the ways I don’t want to go.

Would prefer not to be killed in any natural disasters or be hit by buses, cars, trains or motorboats.

If my parachute doesn’t open I am pretty confident I won’t die because that would be too easy. Not to mention the idea of a being a quadriplegic is high on my list of things I really don’t want to experience.

All that being said, I don’t fear dying.

If there is nothing after this world it won’t matter because when I am done I am done.

There is no pain or discomfort of any sort. Life is over.

If there is an afterlife I figure I’ll experience something pretty damn cool because I’ll go the best place, wherever that may be.

Someone told me that it is ridiculous to believe that and I asked what makes it less ridiculous than believing the fiction you read is divinely inspired.

He told me that was ridiculous and that no one could make up the stories of the bible.

I laughed again and asked him what life in a cave was like and told him I could come up with a religious story in less than thirty seconds.

“Go ahead.”

“The first time we kissed we saw stars and knew we were meant to be. She begged me to never let her go and I said with that giant black purse and black velcro shoes it would be impossible. She said we would get married. I said no. Later I said we should get married and then she said no.”

Mr. Had-Been-Living In a cave told me that it was impossible to believe because marriage was holy and if we had both said no it meant things weren’t holy.

“You have the intellectual capacity of a dead baboon and the logic of sick feral pig. In this holy book the story isn’t over. We could get married still right?”

He looked at me, said ‘oh yeah’ and I asked him if he wanted to buy a commemorative plastic straw for only $954.

“Does it say Trump?”

“Write me a check and all your questions will be answered in the manner of your hero.”

Should I feel badly that I forgot to deliver the straw?

Not if we follow the words of the fabulous dolt leader.

Where Can I Find Your Writing?

A couple of brands wrote me to ask if I would link to their websites but I ignored them because it was the first time they ever contacted me.

They got free PR from me already and I wasn’t about to just throw around more links for nothing.

Doesn’t mean that I am asking for money or product while claiming to be a big influencer because that is not it either.

It just came across as being a little bit rude.

If you want to sleep with me you ought to at least kiss me first or pretend there is some romance. Why do I want to give out links and post your infographics?

I’ll answer that.

If you hired me to do so than I will follow through.

If your product/service/infographic adds value to the post I am happy to insert it because that is good for the readers.

Happy readers are good, but then again I write first for me and then for you.

So happy Josh is important. I have intentionally not made this one of those blogs where every other post is me shilling for someone else.

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Got another email from someone asking for a list of all of my blogs and places to read my writing. I didn’t provide it because it felt like they wanted to add those to lists of places to solicit for media c0verage.

If I want you to know about the places I write I will make sure you know or do my best to make sure you do not.

Ain’t life peachy. 😉