Will You Toast The Silver Man?

Eight years ago my grandfather, the almost famous Percy Silver decided he was tired of life without grandma and checked out.

Seventy-six years of married life and a chunk before that made it clear to him that 18 months of life without her was enough and so he said goodbye and just stopped eating.

Yesterday was his yahrzeit and in a couple of days it will be dad’s.

Thirty-seven years ago one of his business partners approached me at my Bar Mitzvah and asked if I would join him in a drink.

“You are an adult now, will you toast the Silver man with me?”

English was a second language so I was used to him phrasing things in a way that we wouldn’t normally do.

But whether he said it precisely that way I cannot remember for certain, but I heard things like that enough to know it was close.

So we grabbed a drink and I happily joined in, making sure to drink it all because spitting isn’t allowed unless it is tobacco.

It is too bad grandpa isn’t here, he’d appreciate my salty language and humor and I’d blame him for helping me to become a teller of stories.

Touch My Monkey

Not every one is fortunate enough to say they have loved a monkey or allowed one to touch them. Nor are most people invited to touch my monkey.

But before you get caught up in the narishkeit let me remind you the picture above is not of a monkey.

Some of you might call that fake news and or try  to dissuade me from persisting in certain lines of talk or speech but you will fail and not because I have downed half a bottle of Macallan 12.

Ok, let me correct that, I haven’t come close to sucking down half a bottle because that would lead to a very unpleasant morning.

Instead I had a snort and a half in which I toasted grandpa, told dad he ought to be here to enjoy this bottle with me and then I told them both I dished out some severe body blows online.

At least I think I slammed some people pretty good, one can’t tell for certain because you don’t see those you spar with across the pixels so you don’t know if they blocked you because they couldn’t be bothered or what.

What I can tell you is I am in a particular sort of mood and was long before I took my snort.

I haven’t said spoken a single word out loud since before 7 PM this evening have communicated solely in text or facial expressions.

Can’t tell you if I’ll decide to speak at all for the rest of the night or if I am done.

Hell, those of you who could have called earlier might have blown your best opportunity to hear my voice and engage.

Chances are that won’t be true, but then again I have spent significant amounts of time alone and am very comfortable with silence.

Touch my monkey and all bets are off, especially if your hands are cold, he hates that.

Caulk The Tub

It would be improper if I told you a man asked me to sell him lots of caulk for the tub or rather to say it like he did.

Nor would I tell you that I didn’t snicker when I asked him what color because that would be childish as would taking a tube and suggesting it suffered from Peyronie’s disease.

Don’t google that unless you are one of those Shmata Queens as the pictures are horrific and make me want to cross my legs.

Ok, I haven’t looked at any photos and nor do I intend to.

That is one of the best songs from that album. Came out while I was in Israel in ’85 and every time I hear it I remember.

One day I’ll cross the sea again and make a new life, oh yes I will.

I follow some promises until the end of time and will tear down whatever walls I must.

How is that for dramatic? Got to love a little drama or maybe it is got to hate it and eliminate it so that life is quiet and boring.

Not so sure that works for me, because as writer has to write and were I to stop it would be because I am dead.

Take a breath mom, I am not going any time soon. Got things to do and I made an agreement with that bag of bones called the Grim Reaper.

I told him that if comes too soon I will be unforgiving and remove his left femur, collarbone and assorted others.

Hard to be intimidating when your don’t have all 206 bones to work with.

Just to be thorough I told the angels that walk with me to let the know מלאך מוות a similar and terrible punishment would be given to him/her/it too.

****

Someone tried to stick a dull knife between my shoulder blades earlier today. It wasn’t the first time but if my response works the way I hope it will it will be the last.

Won’t know for a while if it did or didn’t, but I do know I made it clear that I will up the ante if need be because I know what I am prepared to do.

And now it is time to take a shower and to go work on other stories.

Here is to you grandpa, I am still waiting for my pony. 😉