We’re down to the final 24 hours of this particular visit and I am feeling squirrely for what people tell me are good reasons.
My 18 half way to 19 year-old teenage son took a look at my naked face and said for a moment I looked just like my father followed by “grow the beard back dad.”
Got Stevie and Lindsay yelling at each other in my ears and sort of a sick feeling about some unanswered questions primarily because it seems like a waste of energy.
There is no guarantee dad could have assisted with all I would like him to and even if he could there is no reason to believe I would feel any different about it.
What I do know is when some people talk about PTSD from their personal experiences with their parents I understand it because I feel it too.
There is some comfort in shared understanding and experience but this is one of those things where you can’t really lean upon another because of how personal it is.
It is the joy of being an adult, there is good and bad that comes with it.
Haven’t had time to connect with many people in person but not for lack of desire. It is not like the old days where summer days were filled with countless hours of time and summer nights were spent with the summer loves of a particular time or season.
I haven’t roamed around the City of Angels as I would like to, haven’t made it to as many of my haunts as I wish.
But I have gotten to some and have run into some people I haven’t seen in years.
Always makes me laugh because they ask if you are still with the person they knew you at 19, 23 or 26 as if no time has changed.
Maybe I do the same, I am not really sure…so preoccupied with other things I suspect I have missed seeing some of that which stands in front of me.
Some of it is because I am living out of a suitcase, still handling some affairs in Texas while I take care of things in Los Angeles.
There are moments where I feel like I am edging my way alongside a cliff, trying not to fall.
Been trying hard to get it all done in spite of technical issues, people and my own need to shut it all down and decompress.
Haven’t written like I like to write because of a 198 different things so have substituted it with microposts, videos and assorted narishkeit.
Don’t have time to write more than these few words now because other things require my attention, but had to take a moment to put pen to paper and let the words flow.
Got to write, got to exercise or Jack, er Josh goes crazy and no one wants that, especially me. 😉
So in the near future I’ll check in for my flight, pack and then spend the last night trying to cram some more fun into this trip.
Hasn’t been all bad, but it hasn’t been easy either. 🙂