My middle sister and her youngest, my middle nephew are going to make the great run tomorrow to fly back to California for dad’s unveiling.
They are cutting it closer than anyone planned because my nephew’s baseball team did the unexpected and won their state championship.
That put them in the regionals where they battled hard to try and get to the next step and to eventually get to their World Series.
Dad would have loved it, would have been so damn proud of his grandson and would have wrestled with whether he and mom should fly out to watch the regionals or stuck to the plan of going to the World Series as he had promised they would if he ever made it.
But they fell short and so we don’t have to wonder whether they’ll make it on time because they will.
I rooted for him to go as far he could because he’ll remember this forever and we can’t bring dad back, but I admit I wish we would get more time together.
In the interim I have had a great time hanging out with my oldest nephew and my niece. He is 19 and she’ll be 18 this November which blows me away because I can’t believe how fast time has gone.
The Memories We Share
The permanence of death and the frailty of life have me wrestling with timing, circumstances and desire.
How long do you wait before you reach back into old movie quotes and hear “sometimes you have to say what the fuck and just go for it.”
When do you take out your 20 seconds of insane courage and use it for real and not dream about it.
I don’t know if there are right and wrong answers now or if there were before or will be after.
Don’t know because you can’t know some things without taking a chance and making a change. Can’t figure out or solve what you refuse to try to understand.
All you have is a hypothesis dreaming of real data to prove or disprove it.
You can talk about what is and what was but can’t say for certain what will or could be.
In my dream I hold out my hand and say let’s take a ride and so we do.
Got the top down, radio on and open road waiting for us to have a different sort of adventure. It is easy when you know how to communicate and never get tired of another.
Easy when it is not just natural, but chemical and you can ride that natural high until you can’t go any longer because sleep carries you away.
Dad and my grandfathers knew what I am talking about.
I am still amazed that somehow they are all gone and I am all that is left of the men.
The oldest and sole survivor.
None of them are around to offer their particular guidance or thoughts and ideas. None are here to say I am telling the story wrong or to suggest a different course of action.
It is funny because when you aren’t someone who is good about taking advice but received huge doses of it there is a strange feeling when you recognize the offer no longer exists.
Can ask, but can’t receive in a traditional give and take. Can only go based upon thoughts, ideas and expectations.
Those could work or they could not– can’t say for certain without trying them. Take the risk or stay silent.