Don’t Put That In Your Mouth

Don’t have to do much other than make a slight change to the song title and a lyric and we’re good to go at least when it comes to the page and the paper, er screen you are looking at.

Here I can say I would have made a good pirate, knew how to drink rum with the best of them and would have been a monster in a fight. Sword and pistol, bare knuckle and brawn– there was a time when I would have been scary.

Would have had a field day pirating and would have shared the booty so the truth is I 0nly would been scary to those who crossed me. If they didn’t seriously piss me off I wouldn’t make them walk the plank or keel haul them, I’d make them eat the cockroach of the sea.

Yeah, I know some of you think it is a delicacy like monkey brains, bison balls and sheep guts, but not me.

I know better.

Don’t put that in your mouth and if you do, well don’t expect my lips to get close to yours.

You’d get a no and a toothbrush. 🙂

The Wise Old Owl

If I was as smart as the wise old owl I wouldn’t find myself dealing with two significant challenges.

Why?

Because I would have avoided them and instead of thinking of ways to manage them I would be focused on more interesting stuff.

Of course if I were a pirate I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.

Why?

Because I am a fucking pirate.

I typed that last part slowly for the denizens of lollipop land who sometimes find their way here. Haven’t seen any today, but I am sure they’ll get here.

Been way too active online and that always sucks them in.

Sometimes they try to use what they find to create havoc but it rarely works because men who would be pirates know how to play poker or so we hope.

Never know when your great hand isn’t so great or when a bluff against a hand of nothing works magic.

Got Nothing On My Mind

Sing along with us…

You know I’ve heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.
But there’s no need for turning back
‘Cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I’ll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

I remember…cuz that is what pirates do.

We remember, but we also create maps that lead us back the places where we bury our treasure.

And like every other pirate I have sailed through stormy seas and calm and have a reached a new place, with new seas and new islands to explore.  A chance to search for castles and beaches.

****

Sat down in the dentist’s office and discovered that my cleaning was going to be done by a new hygienist.  She introduced herself, said she had been working there for 12 years and reviewed my chart.

Asked me what I thought about being 50 and I shrugged my shoulders and told her it is better than the alternative.

She said she recently turned 40 and was feeling old.

I smiled and told her I think of 40 as being young now and that I was trying hard to do things that would help the second half be a nice time to be alive.

When she finished she brought the dentist in and the two of them told me that one side of my mouth looks very good and the other isn’t too bad.

“Josh, you have two teeth that you ought to be proactive with. Two partial crowns will save you two root canals down the road.”

We talked numbers and then I heard dad tell me that once I get through my forties the bad dental days should be behind me. It was nice to hear his voice in my head even if the dollars the dentist wants made me want to swear like a pirate.

“I’ll get back to you doc when I am ready to do the work.”

I smiled, walked out the door and ran down the list of medical stuff that turning 50 raised. Things are relatively good, could be better, but they could be worse too.

Time to go pull out my map and think about grabbing some gold doubloons, but first a shot of rum and maybe some sashimi.