Why Not Make A List Of Things You Hate…

Why not make a list of things you hate… about me.

During the seder when you spill a drop of wine for each plague you can include your list about the crazy and messed up things I do.

That would be an efficient use of time, criticize my parenting and choices in life while remembering how the lord assaulted the Egyptians so that they would let my people go.

My best guess is most people don’t spend time thinking about ways to combine Festivus with Pesach and that if they do they haven’t blogged about it.

It is why I am confident my idea is forward thinking, progressive and innovative but it is probably not something I will push as a business idea.

Moved on from said idea to searching for a phone book to tear about because I was somewhere between bemused and pissed off and heard the old man speaking to me.

“Don’t waste your time responding to everything you think is ignorant or profoundly stupid. Smart people can be idiots and idiots are…idiots. Fuck ’em.”

The memory made me smile and I walked over to the mantle to the picture of my folks, stared at dad and said “you know this is from the seder at our old house in Valley Village.”

Dad didn’t respond and I sat in the silence.

The Lies We Tell On Facebook

Some years back I would have said the lies we tell on Facebook refers to the proclivity of the people to post pictures that make their lives look amazing.

For a long while I thought of it as Fakebook because I knew the reality behind some pictures. Knew couples who were splitting up or on the verge of it who posted pictures that made them look in love when they weren’t.

Saw pictures of vacations that were going to be memorialized not for the experiences but for the credit card expenses that would serve as reminders for the next five years of a trip that lasted five days.

But since we put the clown prince of buffoonery in the WH my feelings have changed because I see the bullshit people try to pass off as being incontrovertible facts.

I see them post 100 bullet points as if something they never fact checked is biblical proof.

Sometimes I am the guy who asks them why they choose to lie on Facebook. Sometimes I ask them to provide proof and they respond by telling me not to watch CNN or MSNBC.

“You recognize your weak attempt to prove your point by suggesting a particular news organization isn’t trustworthy doesn’t address the real question of whether there is substance in what they share. It is doubly weak when your rebuttal ignores the question of veracity by engaging in whataboutism.

Focus. Is XYZ true and if so, how can you prove it?”

The challenge with this approach is it doesn’t do a good job of winning hearts and minds of people whose primary source of comfort lies in living within the echo chamber of their preferred party.

There usually isn’t a gentle way to say “you post fake news because you are willfully blind or ignorant” because people recognize you just called them stupid.

If I do a better job of adopting my dad’s approach there will be fewer engagements on my part because there isn’t much upside arguing with fools who are determined to remain foolish.

It is too bad he isn’t around because I’d like to tell him I have been practicing and have done a better job of staying silent about some things that I once would have gone ballistic about.

It is too bad he isn’t around so I can tell him it is harder than it should be because his absence is so damn palpable.

But at the same time his presence is so obvious to me because I catch myself responding to certain situations in a manner that I know is identical or pretty damn similar to how we would have.

Congrats Dad, I am proof of indoctrination. 🙂

Speaking Of Facebook

Though I have become far better about not engaging with the denizens of lollipop land it doesn’t mean I haven’t ridden my trusty Smith-Corona into battle and done my best to lay waste to those who are infuriated I dare challenge their support of the Clown Prince Of Buffoonery.

“You are an awful man, stop calling the greatest president of my life names.”

“Relax, CPOB is the king of name calling and you’re clearly 2 years old.”

Apparently calling them 2 went over their head and they sent an angry retort about their age. I ignored it.

Hell, I have ignored almost every response I have received today and I have gotten quite a few.

I was tempted to say they deserve the old two hands on the back of the head but it would set others off and what point is there in doing such a thing.


Some of my new fans sent me message requests because they wanted to make sure I am aware of all the awful thoughts they have about me.

I don’t open those.

Not because I am afraid or worried about reading them but because I don’t want them to know I saw it. I figure if they were so enraged they had to write the best way to win is to not respond.

Let them feel like their words have gone unheard and unrecognized.

Let them feel unloved and unvalidated.

Let them eat cake and wonder how someone like me can walk and chew gum at the same time.

Let them make their lists and silly insults.

It bores me which is why I tell them I am typing slowly and they are dismissed. It is a silly line that doesn’t have as much zing as others, but you might be surprised how many fall for something that is no sharper than a butter knife.

Hell, they can all spork off.



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