Yesterday the typist put these words down upon paper and walked away wondering what he had created.
Had he produced something that would move people to rise up and fight inertia or was it just more noise to be ignored?
There were people to ask and inquire of but doing so felt like it would change the rules of a game he disliked playing but did so because it seemed to be the lesser of two evils.
It irritated him to not follow his head and heart because they said to chart a different course but sometimes you go against everything you know and feel because experience says doing the same thing will get you the same results.
If you want to get beyond you have to be willing to mix it up or something like that.
So there was no running into burning buildings, no tearing apart yellow pages by hand nor screaming at the sky.
Nor was there any consideration about whether it was the perfect storm.
Someone would describe the results of this moment as putting me in a mood and perhaps they would be correct.
When you work as hard as I have upon certain things and watch it crumble through no fault of your own it is hard not to be frustrated and or angry.
It is a moment and an experience I have discussed with my father and grandfathers. This is something the fathers understand or at least the fathers of my life, including some of the boys.
And they all recognize as do I there is no way to manage it other than as it currently goes. No one else can walk down this path or do anything other than offer a handshake or a “keep going.”
It is like deep sea fishing, got the rod and reel in hand and a whale on the line.
If I can keep it from breaking the rod or ripping my arms out of my sockets we might come up with something amazing or we might have nothing but a broken line to show for it.
Won’t know, can’t know until tomorrow evening and even then we might not have the answer or an answer we like.
The funny thing to me is how I have heard from a few people about how calm I am. It must mean I am a pretty good actor because inside I feel like I am being carved with a knife and dipped in Tabasco sauce.
But the idea of giving up and turning around is anathema to me.
Have to try, have to find out if we can make it work.
Maybe, just maybe I can rope the moon.
