Someone on Twitter or Facebook tried to insult me by calling me a professional blogger and made some snarky remarks about who they think I am so I asked them if professional bloggers write about dying.
If it work as I hoped they got a jolt of WTF in whatever space or place their conscience occupies and wonder if I have some terminal illness. Some of you will call it mean and perhaps unnecessary, but it is something I have been thinking about quite a bit recently.
That is part of what happens when your father dies from a disease like pancreatic cancer and you know that he had six others that might have turned out the lights just the same.
You think about death in different terms than you once did and you try to look at the very hard questions just in case. Or maybe if you are me, it is less about “just in case” and more about curiosity.
Every time I see a button or switch accompanied by a sign saying ‘Don’t Touch‘ I have to actively restrain myself from doing what I am not supposed to do.
So it is natural to me question and think about things others might not do because it is uncomfortable.
What Will You Do?
The classic response to knowing that death is closer than you might like has been shown on television and in movies as the time to go focus on our bucket list and to do so in a way that enables you to die feeling like you did something with whatever time you had left.
I am not a big fan of such a thing as I dislike the idea of not working hard to live now because we don’t know how long we have got.
This idea didn’t come about because of Luke Perry’s death at 52, but it did remind me again of how quickly things can turn. Mind you I don’t know why he had a stroke, can’t tell you if it was something he knew was possible or if it was a big surprise.
All I know is from an outsider’s perspective he looked healthy, more or less. You didn’t look at the guy and think his weight was going to cause issues for him.
Hell, if you know me well you know I have lost more than a couple of friends to diseases they never expected to get at ages that would be considered young now and 1000 years ago.
Intermixed with the musings on life and what I hope to accomplish within the time I have came the ever so pleasant conversation with my children about the resurgence in antisemitism.
There isn’t any joy in talking with your children about blind hate and hearing them express very mature responses. They understand there is no explanation for this and recognize it is serious.
They also understand it could be a problem for all of us and want dear old dad to offer some words of wisdom. I told them we are going to have to push back with education and awareness and that some force might be required too.
*****
Some of the boys and I have had conversations about life and what we hope to accomplish.
We have talked about how some people end up in bad relationships/jobs that aren’t quite bad enough to force them to make changes but are less than satisfactory.
Situations in which they let inertia prevent them from taking action.
During one such conversation Brother Pablo’s quote came up and the question of what will you do was asked.
I know my answer, but I am not so sure others know theirs. Maybe I benefited from having been through a few hellish experience and having been forced to move and make changes.
The objective has been clear, never settle for less and if need be allow the windows to ache while not allowing inertia to dictate the future.
What happens is now is part of the plan for the later knowing that the later may not look a particular way but it will better reflect the objective.
One of my many fans on social media tried to zing me by suggesting very few people will show up at my funeral. I laughed at that because if things go a certain way I won’t have a clue who does what.
I’ll be dead and all that will be left will be memories and echoes that I won’t be around for.
If it goes a different way and I have some sort of consciousness afterwards why should I assume it will reflect a live person’s response. I don’t know what it will be like but I don’t expect it will bother me.
The sad truth is that if I dropped dead tomorrow a relatively small number of people would notice. It would be those who interact with me on a daily basis, but beyond that without some kind of phone tree or shared email the number would be minuscule.
I am not bothered by that. People are busy living their lives, that is how it goes.
Take note, if I do die today I want there to be a good deli platter and some ketchup sandwiches for the ketchup lovers.
And that my friends is all the time I have for this nonsense…now.
