The drinking started somewhere around midnight and I heard a familiar voice says nothing good will come from that.
A response was given to the familiar voice that said something about fearing no man nor ghost. “Stop me if you can or forever hold your peace or piece if you like better.”
There was a strangled chuckle and a moment of silence so that the familiar voice could reply and be heard but the minutes stretched into months and the silence wasn’t broken.
Somewhere between the months and the minutes a different question was posed and a new response was given. I don’t seek anything I haven’t found before, it is lawful carnal knowledge.”
From somewhere in the dark came a different voice, “Are you sure.”
It wasn’t a question but it received an answer, “I don’t allow social constructs to restrict all that could have been done or all that might yet be done. I merely acknowledge their presence and move the fuck on.”
Strange Days and Strange Moments
Been trying to catch up on some of the Oscar winners and nominated movies I haven’t seen so we watched First Man tonight. I enjoyed it, but I didn’t find it to be exceptional.
Maybe it is because there is far too much on my mind to sit in silence and pay attention to that which doesn’t capture my full attention. Could be that the blood in the toilet distracted me or it could be other things.
Could be that when I am puzzling over more important areas and circumstances I don’t lock in on the extraneous stuff.
So out came the Scotch for a small snort after which I realized there wouldn’t be time to take the damn meds the doc prescribed because sleep will come long before the drink has been metabolized and processed.
Thought for a second about whether the mighty man could take the shot and the pill but decided against it because one night without won’t cause chaos and if it does, well that will end the question of whether I can retire in less than 15 years.
Retirement used to be for old people who had decades upon decades of age over me and now it is a real idea, not imminent in the way of the half century celebration birthday parties of old friends and almost all who graduated high school as the class of ’87 but close enough.
Intermixed are the celebrations of friends from the old country, but their celebrations are far different. They have just become fathers and are starting the same journey I began so many years ago.
I look at my kids and see a time not so far away when the house will be empty and I look at the guys and think about how by the time they become empty nesters I will absolutely not be able to say I am not middle aged.
Hell, I’ll probably have to say I am almost a senior citizen.
That is so very strange, how did time move so damn quickly.
I own two tuxedos, a dozen sports coats and four or five suits…I think.
I am certain on the tuxedos but I can’t tell you when I last wore one of them. Hell I probably haven’t put on a monkey suit in about seven years and I am sad to say I am doubtful either tux will fit me now.
Of course one was purchased when I was about 19 so I don’t feel too badly about that one, but the other, well that would bother me if I really couldn’t make it work the way I want to.
Been focused on shrinking things so that all fits again. Been looking at pictures and realizing how much work needs to go into that and kind of laughing.
‘Cuz part of me doesn’t give a damn. I am not here to live up to standards anyone else sets for looks, only my own. If that doesn’t work for people they can suck on rocks and rub salt up their ass.
Love me for my easy going nature and not my bald head or don’t.
The only legitimate reason I have for changing things is health and that I accept.
Put my two hours in at the gym and had a pretty damn good work out.
There is something gratifying about seeing muscle memory work and discovering that though I can’t carve the muscles the way I once could the strength is still there.
And the truest confession I can make is I fear losing my physical strength more than I fear wearing a larger size belt than I once did.
That doesn’t mean I am not working on shrinking that because I figure doing so will protect and help with retaining my strength and that is good.
Still hard to believe the old man couldn’t walk at the end or think about how I helped hold him up a few times. I suppose I look at The Who and think about song lyrics like “Hope I Die Before I Get Old” in a different way now.
Saturday nights used to be all about carnal knowledge and Sundays were for doing nothing but relaxing. Somewhere along the road things got turned inside out and upside down.
Soccer games, homework assignments, housework and a thousand other things got in the way with rumors of being changed again in the future.
Now at almost 1 AM on a Saturday night or early Sunday morning I sit here thinking about wrapping this post up so I can go read for a bit. The weatherman says it is going to be cold tomorrow.
Makes me think twice about doing more than just chilling out around the house. Sometimes I can be very active and quite willing to run around but I certainly don’t mind being the home body either.
Could build a fire, read and listen to music.
Sounds kind of peaceful, no.