Stress must be sneaking up on me or maybe I forgot to eat a meal, not sure, just know I am really hungry.
11:15 PM.
That is a fine time for a college student or even a high school kid who swam 3 hours a day to be hungry. N0t such a good time for a man pushing 50 to want to chow down.
Been thinking about a bunch of things and some conversations I have thought about having but haven’t made happen yet for a variety of reasons.
You might ask if it is a timing thing and I might answer it is and add that time is a fickle bitch. Maybe I’d say things have felt off since the blood moon but include something about a sense that it is all going to be ok.
There is no particular logic or thought behind it other than faith that things work out as they should.
Except that specific line makes me crazy because inertia always impacts how things go. People don’t like change and hesitate to move in directions other than the one they have been following for reasons as logical as “because.”
It is why “if you don’t ask, you don’t get” makes so much sense to me. Sometimes you have to try and take control of your destiny or accept the river will decide where you ought to land.
Cross The Road
A teenage girl told me I can be very embarrassing in front of her friends and I told her she never saw some of the stupid performances from the talent show days.
They were bad, those talent show acts and none demonstrated any particular talent 0ther than an inability not to be embarrassed by doing something that probably demonstrated a lack of talent.
Fortunately for the aforementioned girl there is no videotape or digital evidence of these moments so she’ll never know how bad they were.
Still she learned that giving her old man grief isn’t always going to serve her well.
“You know there are people out there that would love to hear me refer to them as “my girl.”
This creates the eye rolling I expect and a deep sigh.
“Dad, you only think you were that cool.”
“No, I wasn’t cool but sometimes chemistry makes up for being a dork.”
Another sigh follows and she asks what kind of ridiculous story are you going to tell me now.
“I could tell you about the midwestern girl who loves 70s music and melted every time she saw me imitate Travolta’s You Should Be Dancing scene from Saturday Night Fever.”
“Dad, I don’t know what kind of old timey music or show you are referring to but I know no girl got excited watching you dance with the kind of move you just made.”
“Ok, you got me, that is not it. I can slow dance and I can two step. And believe me, midwestern girl likes strong hands like these.”
“DAD! You’re awful, I don’t want to hear this.”
“Why? I thought you liked stories that you could use to try and tease me. Besides you always tell me not to hassle you about watching appropriate shows/movies.”
“You don’t stop, do you.”
That makes me laugh and I remind her that dad is relentless when he wants to be.
“I don’t know how Aunt Jennifer didn’t kill you.”
“She is the little sister and older brothers always have an edge.”
“Not my brother!”
I tell her she might be surprised and ask her if she finished her homework.
“I don’t want you staying up to midnight because you didn’t start when you should have.”
“I know dad.”
“Don’t make me focus on this. You know I will circle back. I never forget, I just throw that other ridiculous stuff out and work my way back.”
****
She is a better student than I was and her grades reflect it, but I don’t want her slipping into my bad habits so after we have finished our silly conversation I return to my own work.
There are two spreadsheets to tackle, some lists to make and heavy thought to put in about some other things.
Sometimes I think about the planning for the future in the same way as playing Chess. Got to remember to check the angles and pay attention to which pieces I am leading with.
Each has their strength and their weakness and knowing which to use in what situation makes all the difference.
Maybe the chicken crossed the road for a good reason or maybe it is for nothing other than it was there.
Sometimes I think that is how I ended up in Texas, because it was there and sometimes it is for other reasons.
Groucho Lives
Sometimes Groucho helps keep me centered. The sarcasm,wit and humor remind me to take life less seriously than I do.
Sometimes it is Neruda that does it and sometimes it is Johnny Cash.
They all remind me of people, places and moments and all get me thinking about a variety of things.
You never do know where the road where will take you if you let it. I know where I am trying to go in the most general sense and who I want to join on the journey.
Sometimes I wonder who is going to be Dorothy, whether I am the lion, Scarecrow or Tin man and if I’ll have to fight the flying monkeys by myself.
Not really worried about witches because they know better than to take me head on. And even if they come at me sideways I am pretty confident, but the monkeys, well they are harder.
Can’t say why, they just are.
All I know is if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Guess I better starting asking so I can start getting or something like that.
