The voice says not to start with this song because it sends the kind of message you ought not to start with. “Be cool and be slow” is the proper message.
I am not having it and not mincing word.
“Fuck off. The train left the station decades ago and getting in the way will only lead to your getting run over. I haven’t a fucking clue where the tracks lead, but I know what I am doing.”
He shakes his head and asks me to spell it out, not because he thinks he needs to hear it but because he thinks I do. So I show him a video but I don’t wait for a reply.
You Can’t Plan For Everything
Way too much Tequila but not so much that I wrecked the whole day is how I describe the night before.
He asks me to spell out what I mean by the clip so I read the lines to him.
Spock: I cannot allow you to do this. It is my function aboard this ship to advise you on making the wisest decisions possible, something I firmly believe you are incapable of doing in this moment.
Kirk: You’re right! What I’m about to do, it doesn’t make any sense, it’s not logical, it is a gut feeling!
[there’s a moment’s pause]
Kirk: I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I only know what I can do. The Enterprise and her crew needs someone in that chair who knows what he’s doing.
[he looks at Spock for a moment]
Kirk: And it’s not me. It’s you, Spock.
[Kirk turns and walks off]
That gut feeling is the engine that drives the bus or in this case pulls the train down the tracks.
You don’t know what you don’t know so you can’t ask and answer all of the questions you wish to have answered. There is no planning out every detail and every moment when you are dealing with people, doesn’t matter if it is yourself or 10 others.
Logic and reason only go so far and then you have to rely upon faith. Not faith in a higher power but faith that you’ll figure it all out as you go.
If you are very lucky you’ll find good traveling companions along the way. Sometimes those companions will leave the road you are on to go follow a different path.
And should you encounter them again you might have the opportunity to get to know them as they are in that moment and not as they once were.
It makes life interesting and exciting because you don’t know if the changes that life forces and applies upon all of us will create static and discord where there wasn’t any before.
Nor do you know in advance if the reverse is true. It is only through conversation and action that you can begin to decipher the answers.
Sometimes they are unpleasant, but sometimes they are the best sort of surprise because your hunch is confirmed and you discover you never were crazy.
That chemical mix of fluids, organs and hormones proves it is still a solid match. You don’t have to ask questions to see you share a similar circadian rhythm and appreciation for many similar things.
I often view it in black and white terms about what would happen if I was marooned on an island or locked in a closet with certain people.
Do I look at you as someone whose presence would be comforting and helpful or do I wonder how long it will take before I dig a hole to bury the body.
Are you someone who sucks the life out of me or makes it feel bigger and better?
Sometimes people misinterpret that to mean we have to be exactly the same. It is incorrect and never something I want. It is good to be with people who like to think, consider and ponder many things.
That stimulates the mind and helps make for a better future.
If you’re in the circle of “we can travel together” and or “you don’t have to worry about ‘accidentally’ being pushed into a hole” you are part of life forever.
Or so the theory goes.
The calls and emails come in with questions about words on a page or actions taken/not taken.
“What are you saying and who are you saying it to?”
The response is always the same. If you have to ask you don’t need to know or I will only respond in person.”
It frustrates some because they want to know more and so they push for specifics.
Hard stop, end of discussion.
****
Bruce doesn’t know I am tearing through his catalog looking for a particular song or song.
That is because a faint memory of words and a melody that will provide a proper ending to this particular train of thought flits through my head.
Can’t find it, not sure if I want to push some other piece into a hole it might not properly fit in so I put it all to bed…for now.
