Alone Again With The Medical Bills

The wolf and I stare at each other and where normally I would be the last to speak I am the first.

“Evening fur ball, as usual it is after 11 here and I am alone with my thoughts.”

The wolf says nothing so I tell him abut how I was listening to a Bary Manilow live album but couldn’t get through more than two songs and moved The Beach Boys singing That’s Why God Made the Radio.

My new friend still refuses to speak so I tell him about how I obtained some new equipment I didn’t particularly want today.

“They tell me it will be a big help and that this is the kind of thing that isn’t just life changing, but life saving. I am not convinced it is the latter and certainly hope for the former. Between it and the dentist my pockets feel a little bit lighter.

Cognitive Dissonance

Canis Lupus doesn’t give a fuck about the bills or how strange this particular moment feels but I don’t give a fuck if he cares either so I keep going.

I tell him about how the last few posts felt pretty strong and how I was surprised by how irritated I was when I got to the gym.

“The good thing about that irritation is it gives you an extra burst of energy to throw iron around.”

That is not an exaggeration, I threw the 225 off of my chest with less effort than I have in years.

Haven’t gotten to a point where I can do as many reps as I want, but dammit I think I can put 300 up this year.

Stamina isn’t close to where it needs to be and I wonder how I can be tired so damn soon. Maybe it’s age, maybe it is diet or maybe it is because the oxygen levels are low enough that sleep isn’t restful.

It doesn’t make sense to me, I feel muscles responding to juggling iron in the usual way. There is plenty of natural strength there and for brief moments it almost feels like the calendar will show a year beginning in 19 and not 20.

But then it doesn’t and I scrunch up my eyes and try to discern where the disconnect lies and how to fix it.

I don’t bother sharing this with the wolf nor do I say how I feel like I can see things coming but am confused by the actions of some others.

Wolves don’t worry about feeling like they are on the outside looking in and I decide to be more like the wolf and not concern myself with it.

“Love me, hate me, whatever me–doesn’t matter I am lone, like the wolf.


A Life Yet To Be Lived

There is a place few have walked and few know exist. Somewhere on a beach, that guy tries to hit the higher notes, but can’t get there because his voice wasn’t made for it.

Doesn’t matter ‘cuz he’ll try one more time for kicks, cuz the preacher talked with me…

It is about a life yet to be lived, not looking in the past but towards the future.

Not everyone is willing to roll with the tide and see where the current will lead. Not all can handle the uncertainty of the adventure.

But sometimes you pucker up and give danger a kiss and just go for it.

That is how wolves do it, when they are not living in a cave by themselves. Some mistake and misunderstand the intention of the wolf.

Not all can do as the wolf, but some can.

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