I am not singing a song like Bradley Cooper but I am asking questions nonetheless.
That is what happens when your dad dies just short hitting his mid seventies and you’re old enough to recognize it is possible that you are down to your last 25 years or so.
You ask yourself if this is the life you want to be living and think about what changes you would or wouldn’t make.
Those who know me well know my heart and head don’t believe 25 is all I have left and not just because I have taken better care of myself than my dad did.
They know I have already had conversations with the docs about my blood work and current physical status and that I am actively working on fighting back against a few things.
I have ample reason to believe these things will lead to the kind of positive outcome I want to see and that I’ll be around long after 75, but who knows.
The list of what I know for certain is far shorter than I want it to be but there are things that were unpleasant discoveries.
Top of that list is if your father hasn’t died you might not realize how very lucky you are. Life is different now.
The Questions We Don’t Ask Aloud
Someone posted a picture and wondered why I didn’t comment.
I thought about leaving more than a ‘like’ but less than a paragraph about how good I thought they looked in it but choose to leave just the ‘like.’
They didn’t require more to know my thoughts because all they had to do was listen and they would have heard and sometimes that is best.
Of course there are those moments where the sound of someone saying you look beautiful/handsome are nice as would be the words but when you don’t have to speak to be understood sometimes the silence says more.
Or so I have been told.
I have also heard it is best to look someone in the eye so that you know they are paying attention and say what you must so there cannot be any confusion.
It is not as magical, mystical or romantic but it does hold the advantage of being less likely to lead to misunderstanding or so one might argue.
Perhaps I compromise by preparing silly Facebook videos in which people watch me be silly or perhaps not.
Still it all circles back to me to the questions whose answers we desperately yearn for but fail to ask aloud because we think we know the answer or perhaps because we fear to hear the answer we don’t want.
Final Words For a Restless Night
Tomorrow several girls I know will turn 17 on a day that will be more than a typical birthday.
Depending on the whim, will and action of the electorate their birthdays will be marked with great fanfare and celebration or potentially the gnashing of teeth.
More than a few will pace the halls of their homes in anticipation and with great hope that the uncertainty they feel will be met with the response they desire.
Will it be the one kiss that changes life forever because it is amazing or will you come away feeling like you cleaned an ashtray with your tongue.
I would write more but my own mind is racing through recent events. There have been some huge successes and a couple of projects that didn’t go as well as hoped for.
Not because of anything I did or didn’t do, but still I replay them to ensure I haven’t missed anything.
Though I’ll check and recheck I’ll walk away knowing my memory is solid and that I followed through and did all I could.
That will have to be enough.
So this ends choppy and off balance but sometimes that is how life goes with thoughts and ideas and unspoken questions lingering upon our tongues.