Some stories started 15 or 16 years ago and every time I ever thought I knew how they ended I was proven wrong.
Every time I was certain that I had figured it out I discovered I knew everything and I knew nothing.
So tonight I sit here a short while past midnight drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade thinking about how many moments were shared and how many were missed.
Remembering that some connections are impossible to break no matter what we plan on doing or choose not to do.
There may be a god or there may not be but if there is I know he is laughing but I cannot say if he laughs with or at me.
Ten Thousand Goodbyes & One Hello
Sometimes we encounter situations that remind us of 10,000 goodbyes and one hello.
It is the strangest thing, the great contradiction we face where we recognize that the 10,000 goodbyes we say are erased by one hello.
That one single moment in which our eyes lock upon another and we realize it doesn’t matter whether we have said goodbye a million times and meant it because that one hello overrides all that has come and gone before.
Is it instinct or magic?
Is it the moment where our soul finds that missing piece and says “I have been wondering where you were” or something else.
I don’t know and though I question everything there are some things I don’t.
Water is wet.
The sky is blue.
I know when I hear bells and when I hear silence.
The bells are as deafening as the silence but they are different.
Life has taught me to fight like hell and to give all I have in whatever fight I am in and yet it has also taught me to surrender.
To lay down my sword, bow my head and accept there are battles I cannot win and shouldn’t try.
The question of whether this sad or happy always depends upon where you stand and sometimes when you straddle positions you know not how to answer.
Because you are are both and you are neither.
The Permanence of Impermanence
You may look at the depth of footprints in the sand and recognize the impression that has been made and know that the waves will erase it.
For one moment that comet will light up the sky and you’ll stare into space with awe because night has become day but the darkness will come again.
N0 matter what you say or do that bright light will wink out and all that is left is this mental snapshot of a moment that was.
If you are lucky it will be seen not as ordinary but extraordinary and therefore will be placed upon the mantle of memory in a position that befits its role.
And if not, well it will still find its way into a box in the garage of the mind where maybe it will be allowed to breathe fresh air every now and again.
It is the permanence of impermanence we refer to.
Do I choke because my air is gone or because that is what once happened now and our body responds to the stimulus of memory.
Maybe yes and maybe no.
And that sums up how we live life.
We often don’t know what to do but we know what we can do. The bigger question isn’t about knowing what you can do but whether you are willing to do it.